Forever Begins Now
by DreamerOfTwilight
Summary: My twist on Breaking Dawn had Edward lost control during the honeymoon. What if there was no pillow to sink his teeth into when bloodlust took over? Will Edward's self loathing destroy his relationship with Bella? First fanfic so bare with me. LEMONS R
1. First Time

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile. WARNING: LEMONS are throughout this story!**

(BPOV)

I found peace of mind during the flight from Dallas to Rio De Janeiro. I realized that I gave my parents and friends an acceptable farewell. I knew that giving Edward his wedding was the best way to do so. In the end, during our compromise, I had been rewarded with the fact that we would try to make love on our honeymoon. To consummate our marriage traditionally. I was ready for whatever life was going to throw my way as long as I was in the arms of the man I loved.

I was still clueless as to where our honeymoon destination was. I tried to get Edward to give me a hint while we were in Dallas, but to no avail he alluded my question with the simple answer, "It's a surprise!"

I relaxed into my first class seat and decided that I would take advantage of this time in the air to get some sleep. I knew that once we arrived, where ever we were headed, that sleep would be the farthest from my mind.

_As I walked through our honeymoon suite, I realized that Edward was not waiting like I thought he would have been._

_To the left of the massive room, I saw the balcony door open. As I walked onto the balcony, I saw Edward standing on the ledge._

_I shrieked at the sight. I begged for Edward to come down from the ledge. I knew he had the ability to jump from our penthouse suite and would still survive, but even that fact didn't take the edge off the panic that was building in my chest._

_Edward turned to me with a look of sheer agony, "I can't do it Bella, I know I can't control the monster in me", he nearly roared._

"_How do you know unless you at least try." I bluntly stated. This is not a conversation that I am going to have tonight. He may be the indestructible vampire but I was the human and his threat on the ledge was nothing compared to what I could do. _

_While Edward battled his demons within, I took matters into my own hands. I had considered, as a last resort, that if self satisfaction was all I would receive on my honeymoon, then that was what I was going to do. With or without Edward's participation. _

_I sat on the chaise lounge across from where Edward was perched and began to explore my body. I slid my hands into my robe and began caressing my nipple with my right hand as I lowered my left hand to my core. I found the bundle of nerves and began to massage them. I allowed the robe to fall open as I spread my legs for Edward to watch. I managed to keep my eyes closed so I wouldn't become self conscious as I pleasured myself. As I reached my climax and steadied my breathing, I took a chance and opened my eyes._

_I wasn't expecting to find Edward inches away from me. His eyes glazed over and pitch black. I knew that I had over stepped the careful boundaries that Edward had established. For the first time fear overwhelmed me._

_Quickly he snatched me up and flew into our room. I landed on the king size bed with ease and found Edward at the foot of the bed staring at me. I was in such a state of shock that I hadn't moved an inch. I realized that my hand was firmly grasping my core. In a flash he climbed onto the bed and took my hand from my center and placed it in his mouth, lapping up the juices._

_Suddenly he was across the room snarling, positioning himself into a crouch and in a flash he sprang across the room onto me, teeth exposed and venom oozing. The last thing I recall was saying "Please, I Love You. Don't do this". Soon darkness overcome and I was being consumed by what could only be described as pure hell while flames licked my body._

"Bella, Bella wake up! Love, we have arrived." Edward snapped me out of my dream.

"Where are we?" My clouded brain registered that we were no longer on the plane. I had managed to sleep through the last stretch of our journey and was awoken on a boat.

I slowly took in my surroundings and was in awe of what I saw. White sand glistened in the moon light. Palms swayed in the humid breeze. The house in the distance was glowing from within. As if Edward had set up while I slept.

Edward told me that this was "Isle Esme" and I was blown away by the fact that Carlisle would buy his wife her very own island.

Once inside, I informed Edward that I needed a human moment to clean up. He excused himself and walked out onto the beach adjacent to our room. I was excited to look around the house but that would have to wait. For now, I had one goal and that was to receive the one thing I demanded during our compromise. I was tired of waiting and tonight I would receive my reward.

(EPOV)

Once Bella stepped into the water, my dead heart almost started. I never in all my existence thought that I could ever be this nervous. I was clueless as to how to please her. She was fragile and human. I would have to keep myself in check so not to break her. I was a vampire who believed that my strength was my one advantage in the world. And now I would give anything that I didn't possess such a trait.

As she stood next to me in the water, I began to have my doubts again. I was always worrying, had I not been immortal, my bronze hair would have been gray long ago. I was depending on Alice to see what might happen. She assured me that she saw nothing alarming and to not worry. I knew I put to much on Alice when it came to Bella. She loved her as much as I did, yet she was the one who was most determined to see Bella one of us. I had promised Bella that if she agreed to marry me then I would be the one to turn her. Yet I doubted that I would be able to stop once bloodlust took over.

If I hurt Bella during our heat of passion I would never forgive myself. She was too trusting of me. Perhaps if she would be more concerned for her own safety, she would agree to wait till the transformation was complete. Instead, Bella being Bella was driven by her human hormones.

As I carried my bride over to the bed, all worry seemed to be evading me. At that moment, seeing her lying there waiting for me to take her and consummate our marriage, desire took over. A consuming fire erupted within me as I trailed kisses over Bella's perfect form. Each and every time a moan escaped her lips, that fire within me flamed up again.

Bella was writhing under my touches and the fluids escaping her core was enough to make my own need for her touch take over. Bloodlust was bouncing on the edges of my self control. Once that sweet aroma hit me and I had tasted the sweet nectar her body was creating, I thought I was in heaven. The scent of her blood was nothing compared to this. I was certain that my bloodlust was well under control at this point. Her blood wasn't what I craved at the moment.

The bliss of our passionate embrace was short lived as the monster within me emerged. Breaking down the barrier of my self control. During my climax, I began to fight with myself. I was my own worst enemy at this very moment. My fear that Bella would become my prey gave me the strength to fight harder. I managed to swallow the venom and regain some control. I fought relentlessly and quickly grabbed a hold of the first thing I could sink my teeth into.

As we both descended from the most blissful release, so did my bloodlust. The monster was manageable and I became stronger than he. Bella was oblivious to the danger she faced only moments ago as she fell into a deep sleep while I hummed in her ear.

My greatest fear now was the damage I had done to her body. I wouldn't be able to fully inspect the damage till she woke. I could however see the blotches of blue and purple forming on her arm. I loathed myself for allowing such a thing to happen. As I cried my tearless weep, I swore that this would be the first and last time till she became a vampire herself.

(BPOV)

I was consumed by sheer pleasure under Edward's touch and knew at this moment, that I would allow him to take me however he pleased from here on out. I had dreamth of this for sometime now. Nothing I had imagined prepared me for what I my body was experiencing . This was sheer ecstasy. I wasn't sure if the beads rolling down my face was sweat or tears of joy.

I began to wonder what Edward's worry was, he seemed to be in complete control of his bloodlust. I knew that the pleasure was masking the pain of Edward's strength, but nothing was going to deprive me of this. Bruises would heal and I trusted that Edward wouldn't allow the monster within him to harm me. We had been through too much for him to loose control now. Or so I thought.

As I reached the most exquisite pleasure I had ever known, I sensed a change in Edward. He began to growl more than moan. His breathing hitched and his eyes rolled back into his head. He quickly shot his head down onto the bed and I heard a ripping sound next to my ear. I quickly dismissed the change as Edward's climax followed right behind mine.

As I relaxed and my breathing slowed, I began thinking about staying human a little whole longer. I would love nothing more than to share this kind of passion with Edward again and again while human.

I would attend Dartmouth with Edward this fall and the thought of how enlightened he would be finalized my decision. I wasn't ready to give into immortality just yet because I would rather crave Edward's touch instead of blood at the moment.

Too soon, I began to shiver in Edward's embrace. He pulled the cover over my exhausted and chilled body as he hummed my lullaby. Soon I found myself lulling off into a deep and peaceful sleep in the arms of the man I would love for eternity.


	2. Exploring

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(EPOV)

I slipped out of Bella's embrace and made my way to the living room. I quickly picked up my cell phone and called Alice.

"Don't worry Edward, she is fine. She has decided that she wants to wait a few years before she makes the change. Just as long as she can have the passion that you shared with her tonight again." Alice always had a way of calming my worries and managed to give me hope.

I smiled at the thought of Bella wanting to remain human. I really don't deserve her. Yet, the worst part was to maintain intimacy. Nothing was ever easy for me.

"Alice, I don't think that will be possible. I fought harder tonight than I ever have. Being that close to her was almost to much to bare." I know it is impossible, I didn't have to think about that part.

"Edward, it will only get easier. You haven't even been intimate with one of our own kind, so you have to realize that your lack of knowledge was also one of the problems. I'm not saying that to upset you. But honestly you are as new to this as Bella. You have to understand that intimacy is hard for anyone when nerves and worry take over. Just relax and give Bella a beautiful honeymoon. And don't you dare tell her that you can't be intimate again. I had a vision that Bella will demand to come home early if you do."

With that, we said our goodbyes. I was beyond myself. My beautiful Bella would stay human as long as I could be that close again. Her pink blush and heartbeat under my touch was something I truly would miss after the change. Yet having her less fragile would allow me to give Bella myself entirely without having to hold back.

I decided that Bella would be happier if I would just worry less, so I decided that we would be together again. I would wait till the bruises began to heal. My thirst would need to be dealt with as well.

I went back to Bella's side and cradled her in my arms. Her happiness meant everything to me and if that meant I would have to fight myself to give that to her, then I would. I trust Alice and her vision. It doesn't mean I have to like it though.

(BPOV)

I began to stir and felt Edward's arm tighten around me. I slowly lifted my head to meet his eyes. He slowly looked down at me with sadness in eyes.

"Edward, what's wrong? You look like someone just ran over your cat." I giggled. As I watched his expression change, he leaned into to my forehead and kissed me.

"It is nothing love. I was just wondering how you felt this morning." His mood was light yet his face heavy with worry.

I stretched my arms and refluxed my calves. I also noticed that I had blue and purple marks dotting my arms. "I feel great, just a little stiff. I'm sure the bruises will be gone in a few days. Nothing to worry about. Please don't worry about them." The splotches were the distinct shape of Edward's fingers. I knew that I would have some physical markings from last night. I was just hoping Edward wouldn't overreact. I took in Edward's expression and could see him arguing with himself. To assure him I was fine, better than fine actually, I leaned up and kissed him without yielding. He soon participated and I felt love and remorse in this kiss. Too soon he pulled away and smiled against my lips.

"Love, look around, have you not noticed anything else?" he mumbled against my neck. I pulled back and looked into his eyes. As I watched his face flicker from emotion to emotion, he finally smiled my favorite crooked smile.

I finally noticed that the headboard was broke and a large amount of feathers scattered about the room. "What happened?" I asked as I watched Edward's face closely trying to read his expressions.

"I bit a pillow and destroyed Esme's headboard. I knew that the pillows and bed were replaceable and you however are not. I suppose I was a little overwhelmed." Edward said with a sheepish smirk. Without even thinking, I busted out laughing. "You. Bit. A. Pillow?" Soon the tears began to stream down my face from laughing so hard. Edward eventually loosened up and saw the humor of the situation and was laughing right along with me.

________________________________________________________________________

The next few days were amazing. We traveled to the mainland a couple of times. I dined on local cuisine and even found that shopping was tolerable, as long as I could go at my own pace. I pick up souvenirs for everyone. At a boutique, I found Alice a silk and embroidered sling bag and Jasper a book on the history of the Brazil Civil War of 1893-1895. We found Emmett and Rosalie a DVD called "Hemalayaa: Dance of the Kama Sutra". I was delighted to find an antique lamp for Esme and Carlisle, an old medical journal from a Tupi Tribe's medicine man. And Charlie will love the Peacock Bass fishing equipment. Edward and I plan on surprising Charlie with a vacation getaway to the Amazon for a Peacock Bass fishing adventure for Christmas.

Snorkeling along the reef had to be my favorite experience simply because Edward was so carefree. Since he didn't need to breathe underwater, he would sneak up on me from underneath and wrap his arms around me and plant kisses on every inch of my exposed skin. We rented a double bicycle and traveled around the village taking in the sights. We even took a pack tour into the rainforest. I was taken aback by the sheer beauty of the lush forest and exotic plants. The wildlife was abundant. I told Edward that this had to be better place for a newborn than Alaska. I informed Edward that I would rather come here during my first year as a vampire. He seemed pleased with the idea.

Nights on the island were magical. Sunset was the most beautiful time of day. I managed to get lost in that moment each evening as we held each other watching another day come to an end.

Our time together was made for memories, just one thing was missing, making love. We haven't been together since that first night. I was waiting on the bruising to heal a bit so not to upset Edward. Instead I fell asleep each night in his arms knowing that he was mine forever feeling the love radiate from his embrace.

________________________________________________________________________

I'm not sure as to what time I woke up. It was still dark and the full moon shone down through the windows. Edward, however, was not in the room. I walked out to the beach and saw Edward sitting in the gazebo looking up at the moon. Once I reached him, I stepped on either side of his legs and startled his lap while I planted kisses along his jaw, neck and shoulders. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. He suddenly pressed his lips against mine and kissed me with such passion and need. My heart rate picked up and my hands was tangled into his bronze hair. He pulled back too soon and looked into my eyes for a few minutes before shifting me around to sit sideways on his lap. I could tell that Edward was thinking too much. I could see it in his eyes that he wasn't sure we could be intimate. With that thought I decided to not let him think about it for too long.

"I love you!" I whispered into his ear. "Why don't… you… come back… to bed?" I stated while nibbling on his ear lobe. He didn't pull away so I took it a step farther. I ran my hand down his sculptured chest and traced my fingers around his belly button before slipping my hand into his shorts. Quickly, I felt his firm grip on my wrist pulling my hand away.

"I Love You, too. But not right now love. I will have to hunt first. I don't want to take any chances." I simply nodded in agreement with complete understanding.

"I'm going back to bed then and you mister are going to go hunt, right now! I will be fine for a few hours. I expect you to return to me ready to pick up where we left off." I kissed his lips once more, stood from his lap and walked back towards the house without saying another word.

I looked over my shoulder and only saw the splash as Edward swam away from me into the depths of the ocean. I suppose he was in the mood for seafood tonight. I smiled to myself and returned to the king size bed and fell back to sleep knowing that Edward would be with me again. With that last thought, I was in dreamland again.


	3. Bloodlust

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(EPOV)

I swam through the waters and searched for something large enough to quench my thirst. I didn't have time to mess with smaller prey. I was in a hurry to get back to Bella.

Normally this is when I would allow my nose to sense out my prey. While underwater however, I had to keep my eyes sharp and let my taste lead the way. Soon I found what I was looking for, a great white shark. I was never one for marine life, but I didn't have time to make it to the mainland and hunt my favorite in the region, panther. So I settled for shark. A large great white closed in and the chase began.

Both the shark and I are great predators, so this was a challenge I welcomed. I snaked in and out of the waters chasing the shark. I approached him from underneath and sank my teeth into the his massive jaw. Within moments the venom kicked in and he stilled in my grip.

Once I drained the beast dry, I headed back to Bella. I knew she was asleep still, but I really did believe that the second time around would be easier. I trusted Alice, I knew she was right. I had never had any sort of sexual release. So to say I was threading unfamiliar waters was an understatement.

My nerves were starting to mess with me again and I knew that I had to get a grip on myself to be able to fully be with Bella so I took a shower. I let the hot water wash away my worries and beat away my fears.

Upon exiting the bathroom, an aroma hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew immediately that it was Bella's arousal. She was squirming under the comforter and I became curious as to what she was dreaming about. I stood by the door hoping she would say something to clue me in. the only words I made out was my name mixed with deep moans.

I moved to the foot of the bed for a few moments before climbing onto the bed next to Bella. The sound coming from her lips was music to my ears. My own arousal was becoming prominent and the desire to fulfill my need was consuming me. I quickly pulled the covers from her body and was shocked at what I saw.

There in all her glory, was Bella. My Bella, pleasing herself. I would have never thought Bella would do something of this nature, but she was a very hormonal human. So I shouldn't have been the least bit surprised. I sat there for a long while watching her, adoring her. I was also trying to learn a few things. When her fingers tweaked her pert nipples, she would moan. Her hand rubbed her sex with slow gestures. Her fingers slid in and out of her entrance at a very seductive pace. I was astonished at how she could bring herself to a climax with such grace.

I knew I should wake her, it was very tempting. But I decided to just wait till she went back to a dreamless sleep. I moved to her side and leaned over her chest being sure I kept my weight off her as I slowly trailed kisses along her jaw and rested my lips against the crook of her neck.

Suddenly Bella arched her back off the bed with her release. Her fluids emerged from her core like a fountain. The aroma assaulted my senses as she pulled her hand from her core while the sweet juices dripped from her finger tips. That is when all hell broke loose.

(BPOV)

_There we were lying on the beach under the moon lit night. A perfect setting for two newlyweds. My hands were gripping his bronze locks as I gasped for air once he pulled away from our kiss to allow me to breathe. We haven't made love since the night of our wedding and now Edward's magical fingers gave me a taste as to what was coming. He slowly pulled his hand from my center and lapped up my nectar. Then turned his attention to my jaw and neck as he began assaulting me with kisses. That is when I heard a low growl escape his chest and my eyes snapped open. _

My dream was over and my nightmare began. Edward was hovering over me with his mouth on my neck. He was breathing heavy and he would growl every time I tried to move. He grabbed my arms and held them above my head.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you" Edward snarled at me. I was scared, for the first time in my life, I was scared beyond words. No one was here to save me, because I was supposed to be safe with Edward. I wasn't ready to become one of them yet. Not like this anyways, I wanted everyone to be with me. Just in case Edward's bloodlust took over. Here and now, we were all alone. I was all alone.

"Edward, please let me go. I'm sorry for whatever it was I did. Can we please talk about this?" I said as tears streamed down my face.

Edward pulled back and all I could see was his pitch black irises as he spoke in a snarling tone. "You shouldn't have been touching yourself like that Bella. That is my place."

"I'm sorry, please look at me, I know you don't want to hurt me. Please come back to me Edward." Edward seemed to be a million miles away. This creature before me wasn't my Edward. This is the eyes of the monster I should have feared long ago.

His eyes shifted from my neck to my face. The monster within him wasn't going to listen to reason. At this moment, I knew that I was either going to die in the arms of the man I loved or start the first day of forever. I was praying for the latter. Suddenly darkness over took me as I felt a sharp pain sink into my neck.

(APOV)

_Edward is lying above Bella and snarling at her. Suddenly his lips pull back exposing his venom coated teeth. Edward lowered his head and sank his teeth into Bella's tiny throat._

"Ahhh, NO! EDWARD!" I screamed. Startling Jasper, pulling him away from his book.

"This can't be happening! I have to call Edward!"

"Alice, what did you see? Tell me please." Jasper said in a calming voice as I felt his power submerge me.

"How could he do this? I should have seen this coming." I said as I crossed the room to retrieve my phone. Another wave of calm hit me again.

"Alice please talk to me, what did you see? Has Edward hurt Bella?" I ignored Jasper and grabbed my phone and immediately dialed Edward's phone.

Jasper left the room to inform the rest of the family that something had happened. That we should be prepared for the worst and make plans if needed.

"Please pick up Edward! Regain control please." I was talking to myself and really needed to clue Jasper in, but my main concern at this very moment was getting a hold of Edward.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Ring

Beep

I began to feel then that I was too late. I closed my phone and opened it and dialed again.

Ring

Ring

The ringing silenced and all I heard was heavy breathing on the other end of the line. "Edward?"


	4. Understanding

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(EPOV)

_From the first time I laid eyes on Bella and learned she had a private mind, I was instantly intrigued. I eventually learned that I was in love with Bella and that life as I knew it would never be the same. Her large chocolate brown eyes drew me in like a moth to the flame. Little did she know, she dazzled me. Just as she said I dazzled her. _

_The day I took her to my meadow, was a day that was embedded in my mind. On that day I declared my everlasting love for her and was elated to learn that she felt the same for me. Saving her from Tyler's van and the men in Port Angeles, let me know I was to do more than love her. I was to be her protector as well. When I saw the damage James had inflicted on her body in Phoenix, I swore that I would put aside my own needs and wants, to ensure her safety. _

_I was an absolute idiot when I left her after her birthday party. It was a mute point to think, that by leaving, I had saved her life. Darkness consumed me, when the news of her death shattered my world. Without her in this world, my life no longer had meaning. Miraculously she rescued me from my own demise. My angel of mercy endangered her own life to let me know she was still alive. I nearly killed us both by leaving and knew at that moment I would never put either of us through that kind of torture again. My mission at that point was to undo the damage I inflicted on her heart and give her whatever she desired to make her happy again. _

_The day I felt my dead heart skip a beat, was the day she agreed to marry me. I felt more like a man that day than I ever had before. When she walked down the isle to meet me at the alter, I was astonished that I had been blessed to have her in my life. For the first time, I thanked God for the opportunity to spend the rest of eternity with this beauty before me. If I had tears, I would have been weeping like a baby._

_She made me whole after decades of solitude. She was the missing piece in my life. With her unconditional love, she completed me. She resurrected my heart and made me feel human again. She has faith in me even when I do not. She is willing to sacrifice her soul to be with me eternally. She has shown me more forgiveness, trust, and adoration than any man on this earth deserves. She chose me and the knowledge of that fact still leaves me speechless and feeling unworthy. _

_The only thing she has ever asked off me in return was intimacy and, of course, immortality, the one thing I fought so hard to prevent. In the end though, Bella's request truly was the only way to be together. I am hers as she is mine, equal partners and passionate lovers. I see that now. She truly loves me enough to still her beating heart for me, for her, for us. Together Forever!_

_FAITH! _

_Faith, that I do have a soul and a chance at heaven. _

_TRUST!_

_Trust, that I will never intentionally harm her. _

_LOVE!_

_Love so endearing, I knew I could never live without her._

_I cannot live without my life. I cannot live without my soul._

STOP!!!

STOPPPPP!!!!!

STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!

____________________________________________________________

Somehow, I managed to break away from Bella's neck. I am not sure what unknown force broke me free of her blood. Bit I was grateful even though I was in purgatory for my actions. I loathe myself for letting the temptation of her blood consume me. I am trapped in a surreal moment of consternation. I would give anything to take back the last several minutes of my life. I, the monster, has ruined all I longed for. Happiness and love, was that too much to ask for one of my kind. What kind of hell have I been subjected to? Had I truly had a soul, then I would have been a stronger man. I wasn't however, I am weak and powerless. A pathetic creature who managed to destroy any chance of happiness in this unnaturally long life. I knew that I shouldn't have come here alone with Bella. We should have stayed in Forks. I was her protector and now I was the reason for her hell. All the worry and fear I endured wasn't to be taken lightly. I knew this, yet I had everyone around me telling me that everything would be fine. Why did this have to happen? What have I done to deserve this?

Buzz

Buzz

Buzz

Buzz

As I stood across the room staring at Bella, my phone began vibrating on the table next to the bed. I ignored it. I knew it was Alice. She has seen what I did. I didn't want to talk about it. Why desire to live, when all you lived for was destroyed. Nothing she can say or do will change what occurred here tonight. What's the point in living with yourself when you can't stand what you are? I knew I was always damned to hell. I would give anything for hell to consume me right here, right now.

Buzz

I knew Alice would call me over and over till she spoke to me. I knew I could not avoid her forever. I dreaded this conversation with every ounce of my being.

Buzz

I picked up the phone at a slow human speed and flipped it open.

"Edward?" I heard Alice say quietly.

"Please talk to me Edward. Please tell me Bella is alive?" Alice was full of worry and panic. I only hoped she wasn't berating herself for not seeing a vision that would have prevented this. It's bad enough that I am loathing myself, she doesn't need to do the same.

I took a deep breath and finally spoke. "Everyone has to leave Alice. I have broken the treaty. Tell everyone I am sorry. I'm so sorry. God, why did this have to happen?" I sobbed into the phone. I am a disgrace to my family. I am the weak link. I needed to get away and clear my head.

"Edward, is she breathing? I can't see her furture anymore, Edward." No! If Alice couldn't see her future, was all lost. Could Bella not be saved?

This isn't something I wanted to discuss but I knew I had to. "For now, her body is unresponsive. Her breathing is shallow and slow. Her heart is still beating, but it is weak, so I can't be sure how much longer she has. I'm not sure she is transforming. I doubt she is strong enough to survive the change. Alice, I can't sit here to just watch her die."

"Edward, how much venom did she receive." Carlisle asked. He must have taken the phone from Alice. My father, the man I admired would now disown me. I had betrayed his faith in me, just as I betrayed Bella's.

"I bit her just below the below the ear, I don't think I punctured her jugular vein. There is no blood. The bite has already healed. I was...latched...onto her two maybe three minutes tops. I don't have any idea how much venom is in her system. She is so quiet and lifeless. Carlisle I am so sorry. Tell me what to do? I don't know, I am so confused and angry." Guilt was weighing down, threatening to take my sanity. If I lost Bella then I welcomed my punishment with open arms. I deserved something worse than immortality, worse than death. Torture would be my just punishment. I refuse to take the easy way out. I will live the rest of my existence the tortured, soulless monster who took Bella's life.

"Edward, please don't berate yourself. I know you didn't mean to bite her. We all should have listened to you. You know yourself better than anyone else ever could. She was your singer, her scent was more tempting to you than any of us could have ever imagined. I feel greatly responsible. I gave you advice that was based assumptions. Please forgive me." What? He was asking ME for forgiveness. That was beyond acceptable. How dare he weigh down his own conscience with guilt.

"NO! DON'T YOU DARE CARLISLE!" I roared into the phone. "I. AM. TO. BLAME! ME! NO ONE ELSE! Don't you dare take the guilt of my actions on yourself. Bella's blood is on my hands." I was fuming at this point. I alone endangered Bella's life and I would not let my loved ones take the fall.

"Edward, listen to me son. Right now I need you to focus on Bella. We are heading to the airport right now. We should arrive in about seven hours. So please son, Bella needs you right now more than ever. Can you do that for me, for Bella?" I knew Carlisle was right. I had to do whatever it takes to save her. I needed his advice and help right now.

"Yes" I said. I knew Carlisle would know what to do. I trusted him.

"Edward I need you to check her pulse for me. What is her heart rate?" I walked to Bella's side and lifted her right hand, palm up. I placed my fore finger and index finger on her pulse point. I counted each beat of her heart for one minute.

"Her heart rate is 65 Carlisle. Is that good or bad? Is her heart strong enough to pass the venom through her body?" If I had to, would I have enough control to inject more venom without taking more blood? I don't even want to attempt it.

I heard Carlisle sigh. Was this a sigh of relief or defeat? I didn't know. "Carlisle? I need to know if she is going to live or die."

If she doesn't survive the change, then she would need to be buried or cremated and I knew I was not strong enough to do either.

"Edward, I think Bella went into shock and lost consciousness from blood loss. Her heart rate isn't the healthiest right now. The longer she is unconscious rapidly decreases her chances of survival. Bella's only hope to have a healthy life, on the contrary to what you may believe, is to complete the transformation. She obviously has minimal venom in her blood stream or she wouldn't be unconscious right now. The venom running through her system is beneficial. However, we must get more into her blood stream." I am in hell. There was no way I could inject more venom into her heart and not bleed her dry.

"Carlisle, I can't.." Carlisle interrupted my seething.

"Go to the master bath and open the second drawer down, on the left side of the sink." I walked into the bathroom and pulled out the drawer to find a silver box. I opened it up and found several large metal syringes.

"Take one out Edward. I need you to extract your venom. The needle is not strong enough to penetrate your skin though. The quickest way is for you to ejaculate your venom. I am sure you can handle that part. This is the only way to be sure you have enough venom with plenty to spare. Be sure to fill the syringe completely. It is our weakest venom because it is mixed with semen, but just as capable of insuring her change. You will have to inject the needle directly into her heart. It is the safest and fasted way, there isn't much time Edward. Do you understand? Do you have any questions?"

"Wait, WHAT? Carlisle, why didn't you tell me my semen was venomous? Why would you hold that kind of information back? Oh god, I could have in accidentally infected her on our wedding night." I was irate at the idea I endangered her life so carelessly.

"Edward, it is the weakest venom. There was no real danger. The point of entry was too far away from her heart. Trust me." Carlisle begged for me to understand.

"Carlisle someday, I will forgive you. For now I am going to hang up and do what I can to save Bella. Thank you for you help. I will see you in a few hours. Let's just hope you don't arrive too late, only to have plan a funeral instead." with that I hung up.

I have never done anything of this nature. How am I going to get enough to save Bella? If Emmett where here he would tell me "It's easy bro, nothing to be ashamed of."

I went into Bella's suitcase and took out the DVD she had bought for Emmett and Rosalie and the KY. I also grabbed a towel and bowl. I placed the DVD in the player, removed my boxers, placed the towel and bowl on the table in front of me and laid down on the couch.

The blue screen flickered and soon a dance studio or workout room came into view. In the middle of the floor, on a pile of pillows, was a man and woman in a compromising position. Soft music was playing in the background. I presumed this video was a physical demonstration. I didn't pay attention when Bella bought it. I wonder is she even knew what she was buying. I watched as the couple contorted into unique positions as their bodies rocked in rhythm. It truly held no interest for me, I just needed the stimulation and this video was my only hope.

The video wasn't really working for me. So, I closed my eyes and let my imagination take over as I recalled Bella using her fingers to give herself pleasure last night. I embraced the memory of Bella in that moment, writhing under her own touch. I then pictured Bella standing before me with with nothing on but a mischievous smirk on her glorious face. Her eyes smoldered the lust she was exuding. I finally had the stimulation I needed. I used the jelly so I could glide my hand up and down myself easily. I gripped my member with firmly and pictured that my hand was Bella. I sat back and relaxed.

_My mind was swimming with lust at the thought of Bella sitting on my lap with her legs on either side of my thighs. My member rubbed against her sex as her fluids dripped from her center. The sweet nectar held more desire than her blood ever did. She lifted herself up and slid onto me slowly. Once she consumed me fully to the hilt, she began grinding her hips into mine. Her breast, beautiful and firm, were bouncing as our bodies moved in sync. The sensation of her warm core moving on me was intoxicating. Her muscles tightened against my member with enough force that I thought I was going to explode._

The steady rhythm of my hand was creating the friction I needed as I rolled my thumb over the tip. I was close to the verge of release. As the woman on the TV began to moan, I exploded into oblivion. I quickly grabbed the metal bowl and allowed every drop of my semen to spill into it. I felt as if I was flying. My climax was powerful and erotic. As my body began to descend from my release, I recalled why I had ejaculated in the first place.

I retracted the syringe, retrieving the venomous semen from the bowl. I cleaned up with the towel and pulled my boxers on. I ran back to the bedroom where Bella was and flew to her side. Her heartbeat was steady and her breathing was slow. She wasn't making any indication she was in pain, which scared me. I sat next to her and placed my left hand over her heart. I leaned in and kissed her on the forehead and whispered "I Love You, I am so sorry Love. Please forgive me."

I pulled my head back and lifted my right hand over my head. With brute force, I brought the syringe down into her chest dispensing the venom directly into her heart.


	5. Memories

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

_(BPOV)_

_Slowly, I came to. I could tell something wasn't right though. My body felt weightless, like I was floating on a cloud. I could only see the darkness that plagued me. I was unable to form a coherent thought but something was tugging at my subconscious, telling me that this was the calm before the storm. I tried to find my voice but nothing came out. I knew I wasn't alone because I could hear an angelic voice._

_"I Love You. I'm so sorry Love. Please forgive me." the musical voice whispered into my ear._

_All of a sudden, I felt a spasm of pain against my chest. The serenity I felt moments ago was abruptly replaced with purgatory. _

**_**_**

_This pain was bewildering. _

_Exactly that - I was bewildered. I couldn't make sense of what was happening. _

_My body tried to reject the pain, and I was sucked again and again into a blackness that cut out whole seconds or maybe even minutes of the agony, making it that much harder to keep up with reality._

_I tried to separate them. Non- reality was black, and it didn't hurt so much._

_Reality was red, and it felt like I was being sawed in half, hit by a bus, punched by a prize fighter, trampled by bulls, and submerged in acid, all at the same time. Reality was feeling my body twist and flip when I couldn't possibly move because of the pain. _

_**_

_It seemed only moments ago I was having a marvelous honeymoon, taking in all the new experiences that intimacy brought our relationship. I could remember telling Edward to go hunt. I wanted to make passionate love with him but I knew that he had to feed beforehand. Edward wasn't willing to take any chances, so he took extra precautions and fed whether he needed it or not. Our first, and only, time was so magical that I didn't want to end our honeymoon without feeling that way again. After Edward left, I went back to bed and slipped into a deep sleep and allowed my dreams begin. _

_I was woken by a razor-sharp pain on my neck. I felt my throat tighten and soon my breathing became difficult. It became painful as my lungs starved for air. My chest was being crushed by the massive weight that prevented me from breathing. I fought relentlessly, as I struggled to free myself. The sharp pain on my neck was quickly replaced with a mild burning sensation, followed by a numbness. I still needed to take a deep breath so I could fill my lungs and scream for help. _

_I knew I was no longer dreaming. This was very real, my imagination ran away with me at times. But I knew this was too vigorous to be my subconscious. I began to pray that Edward would walk through the door any minute and save me. _

_My muscles were weakening and my mind became incoherent due to the lack of oxygen. I felt my body slowly shutting down. Before I let the darkness take me under, I opened my eyes to meet my attacker. What I saw shattered my heart. The predator met my gaze with two black irises that penetrated my soul. _

_I will never forget seeing Edward hovering over me, with bloody lips. His face showed no love, no compassion, no remorse. He simply stared at me with a blank expression. I wanted to forget what I saw, so I let the darkness close in and unconsciousness soon took me away. _

_I don't know how long I have been enduring this torture so far, but I knew I had hours upon hours to go before the venom, which felt like scorching lava in my veins while searing my organs, was done reeking havoc on my body. _

_Time was moving at a snails pace and I wanted nothing more than to crawl up into a ball and disappear. I thought I was prepared for this, both mentally and physically. I knew the process took three days to complete as the venom slowly shut down my insides and made them hard as stone. I even knew that it would be excruciatingly painful. The pain I endured after James' bite would never evade my mind. But, no amount of knowledge prepared me for the anguish my body was going through. _

_I had so much to think about. One thing that was for certain was that I truly could not blame Edward for what he had done. After all, this is the life I decided I wanted to live so I could be Edward's equal in every way. While I was trying to process everything I was feeling and as the __burning sensations worsened, I submerged myself into thought to help alleviate some of the pain._

_At first, I felt betrayed, because I wanted this to be on my terms. I had always known the dangers of being around Edward and I willingly endangered my own life day in and day out. One decision that I would never regret because, no matter what, the love, trust, and faith I had in him was too powerful to allow this to tear us apart. _

_T__hen I felt merciful, because I knew he would loathe himself for not being strong enough to fight the monster within him. I would have to somehow make him see that it was an accident and to not berate himself. I would have to act as soon as the transformation was complete so he wouldn't decide to take off. I knew I could never handle going through anything like that again. _

_And finally, I felt responsible, I knew I was to blame. I was driven by my over active hormones, I became selfish and greedy. I had demanded a traditional honeymoon. I wanted that last human experience, without taking into consideration how hard it must be for him. I knew, that at any minute, his blood lust could take over. Yet I persistently disregarded that fact for my own needs._

_I let my thoughts trail off, trying to focus on anything but the pain. I wanted to remember all my human moments once I was immortal. I knew that if I thought of them over and over again, then I could retain these memories and the emotions l__inked to them forever. _

_Rosalie had once told me about her change and how she didn't let go of the anguish and rage she felt towards her fiancé and his friends. That holding onto her bitterness kept the memory of what happened to her vivid, so she could seek her revenge. _

_I will do the same and convey them with me into my new life as a vampire. My human memories are short but sweet and so full of love. Even though not all my memories are happy ones, I wanted to remember them. The good, the bad, and the ugly because those experiencesare strengthed me and made me who I am today. _

_I wanted to remember how much I was loved by Charlie and Renee. I was grateful for how they had came full circle for my benefit. They didn't love each other anymore, but the love they felt for me radiated around them and allowed them to be in the same room peacefully. I smiled at the memory of Renee hold Charlie's hand on the Cullen's porch, as Edward and I drove off. I will miss them greatly and cherish my time I was able to share with them. _

_Then there was Jacob, my Jacob, my best friend. He was my sun during my darkest hour. He had given me something to live for, HOPE that things would be alright in the end. Little did I know, he had fallen in love with me which put a lot of strain on our friendship. Jacob became my shelter, he kept me safe and sane. He not only rescued me from complete self destruction, he also kept me safe from a ravenous vampire with a vendetta. When Jacob was heading to fight Victoria's newborn army, I asked him to kiss me, out of desperation to keep him with me and alive. With that kiss, a flood of emotions crashed into me. I never knew, before that moment, that I was also in love with him but my love for Edward overshadowed it. I had really made a mess of things. From my own experience, I knew the pain he was in and for that I felt a burden of guilt. Only time would tell, but I doubted there was anything I could ever do to repair the damage I had inflicted on his heart. _

_I thought back on the first moment I laid eyes on Edward and his soul piercing gaze that hypnotized me. His inhuman beauty was mesmerizing. His scent intoxicated me and made me dizzy. His eyes always drew me in and dazzled me. I knew from early on that I had to be near him no matter how confused he made me feel. _

_When Tyler's van nearly crushed me, I had witnessed first hand that Edward was very unique, which peeked my interest further. In Port Angeles, he came to my rescue again. Had he not showed up when he did, there is no telling what could have happened to me. Edward saved me, yet again, from James and his brutal attack on my body. Edward even managed to extract the venom from my blood after James bit me. Edward is my hero, my angel in disguise. _

_Once we declared our love for one another, my heart fluttered into oblivion. The electrical surge that flowed between us was extremely powerful. Edward considered himself a monster but he was the most humane and chivalrous man I had ever known. Once I understood the depth of our relationship, I knew I would never find this kind of love again. Our love was strong and growing stronger the more time we spent together. It became obvious then that my life would never be the same without Edward in it. _

_The days following my birthday had my nerves on edge, but Edward leaving was the farthest from my mind. His leaving left me shattered and feeling unwanted. I became a shell, empty and hollow. My life no longer had meaning and, no matter how hard as I tried, I couldn't move on. He had promised me that it will be as if he never existed. Yet he broke that promise the moment the words escaped his lips. He was tangled into my soul and would always have a place in my heart. While in Port Angeles with Jessica, I thought I recognized four strangers across the street from where we stood. I was certain it was the same men who followed me the night Edward saved me. I was crossing the street to get a closer look and heard the most beautiful voice ringing in my ears. Right away I knew it was Edward's, I accepted the fact that he was still and always would be a part of me. After that night, I childishly broke the promise I made him, that I wouldn't do anything reckless and stupid. I rode motor cycles with Jacob and went cliff diving alone and nearly drowned until Jacob pulled me from the thrashing waters, just to hear his angelic voice. I was certain I had lost my mind, but the delusions were better than nothing at all. I was desperate to feel again so I embraced my insanity just as long as I could hear his voice. _

_Alice made a surprise visit after having a vision that I was dead. I had fought back the hope that Edward was with her and of course, he wasn't. Either way, I was elated to have her here regardless. I truly needed her in my life, even if Edward did not want me in his. Too soon, our reunion was interrupted with a vision that Edward was contemplating his own death. Rosalie informed Edward that I was dead, so he decided to go to Italy and ask the Volturi kill him. Alice and I raced against time to save Edward. For once, I was the one rescuing him. Fate was with us that day, I reached Edward before the Volturi. Yet death lingered on the horizon for all of us. Fortunately, Aro had faith in Alice's vision, therefore released us. Only under the condition that I would become an immortal in the very near future. An issue that would no longer cause me stress luckily._

_My life has been balancing on the edge of a dagger for sometime now. Death found me around every corner. First James, who almost succeeded, then Laurent in the meadow, later Victoria and her newborns. The Volturi, however, was the greatest threat of all. Every time I turned around, there was some kind of threat on, not only my life but the ones I loved as well. I have so much to be thankful for. Had it not been for Edward and his family, I would have been six feet under long ago. I was also grateful for Jacob and his pack without whom I would have never survived Laurent or Victoria. With immortality, death would no longer linger over my head and put everything I loved in danger. _

_I am so blessed to have Edward in my life again. Edward and I have prevailed every single challenge that has presented itself to us. As a whole, we are unstoppable. He agreed to be the one to change me if I would in return become his wife. I finally accepted, under one condition, that we would try to make love on our wedding night. My mind still can't wrap around how lucky I truly am. I feel unworthy of his unconditional love. He was my soul mate, my protector, my reason for living. And now, we will be together for eternity. _

_With those thoughts, I smiled inside. The pain was weighing down on me but I knew it would be beyond worth it in the end. I just needed the strength to resist screaming. I knew Edward was lying on the bed next to me. The silent whispers told me that Edward was in pain as well, not the literal sense, but mentally he was ripping his sanity to shreds. From time to time, I felt his fingers tracing along my jaw and whisper "I'm sorry!" I couldn't allow his remorse and guilt to consume him, by making it known how much pain I was truly in. I bit my tongue and clenched my jaw tight and concentrated on the clock instead. The steady rhythm of the pendulum gave me serene peace of mind. Soon, I would be in the arms of the man I loved, because my forever begins now._


	6. Worries

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(EPOV)

Since I had injected the venom, some of my worries evaded me, only to be replaced with new ones. Her heart was stronger than ever as the venom surged through her system. The steady rhythm of that sound brought with it hope and despair.

As I lay next to Bella, I would watch her jaw clench and relax. Each time the pain seemed to be worsening, I did the only thing I knew to do. Which was to comfort and soothe her with my touch. I knew nothing could subdue the pain but it seemed to relax her a bit each time I ran my fingers along her jaw. I knew all to well the pain she was in and knowing I was the cause of her pain, washed over me in waves.

The only relief I found, was knowing that she wasn't truly an innocent victim. She was adamant on being one of us and this is truly what she wanted. That fact, however, didn't alleviate any of the shame or guilt that plagued me. I had, without her permission, commenced the change prematurely.

I was learning that Bella was strong, a much stronger being than myself. She should be screaming and writhing with the intense burning, yet she gracefully dealt with and embraced it silently.

She had prepared for this moment both mentally and physically. Her encounter with James gave her an insight to how powerful our venom was. Then her late night conversations with Carlisle were beneficial as well. They discussed every single detail of what to expect her first year, from hunting techniques to controlling her blood lust.

She was beyond prepared, but that never changed the fact that I didn't want to take away her human life and more importantly, her soul. I knew it was pointless to argue my reasons with her any longer. Bella was determined to get what she wanted. With or without my acceptance or participation. So I no longer fought her desired fate.

I also began to worry excessively about other matters at hand. Beyond the initial distress, that I had almost killed her because I wasn't strong enough to reign control of the monster inside me. I also wondered how angry she was going to be with me for not having the strength to protect her from myself. I was also fearing that she hold me responsible for her untimely change and may never speak to me again.

Then I thought back on my conversation with Alice the first night I had been with Bella. I recalled Alice had told me _"__She has decided that she wants to wait a few years before she makes the change. Just as long as she can have the passion that you shared with her tonight again." _That memory made me shiver, what if Bella really didn't want immortality any longer? What if I took her away from the possibility of children? What if she no longer wanted me? The what if's consumed me. I was distraught with the possibilities of how bad things could end up being. I was mentally preparing for the worst and still hoping for the best.

Just then my phone began to vibrate on the nightstand next to me. I slowly slipped off the bed, grabbed the phone and headed to the living room.

Upon flipping it open I saw that it was Carlisle. "Hello!"

"Edward, we have landed in Rio and should be there very soon. How is she doing?" Carlisle had called while in Dallas to see if she had taken the venom in time. Since she was doing better, he sent Emmett and Jasper home and only he and Alice were coming. I was grateful that Carlisle and Alice was the only ones coming. I didn't need the added tensions of my brothers being here too.

"Her breathing is shallow but her heartbeat is strong and powerful." I had learned from watching Emmett's change, that a strong heart was very important to completing the change.

"Sounds great, and Edward? Alice wants me to tell you to stop worrying, that everything will be fine." Easier said than done. I have never bet against Alice and her visions, but she seemed to have faith in things that could suddenly fall through and change the course I was traveling in a matter of seconds. The current situation being proof of that.

"Sure, I'll see you soon." I flipped the phone closed and went back to Bella's side.

Carlisle had a way to help calm any situation. His compassion was as powerful an ally as Jasper's manipulation of emotions. Alice and her visions were beyond helpful when we needed them in dire times. But sometimes her visions were annoying. I sometimes wished the little pixie didn't possess such a power.

Only a few hours ago, Alice said that she couldn't see Bella's future. While in Dallas, she called to tell me that she see's Bella being happy and healthy in her new life. I wanted nothing more than to believe that. I just had this feeling that Bella would wake from her change furious with me, and I knew that I deserved whatever was coming my way. I would let her unleashed all her fury on me without a fight.

Right now, all I could do was sit, wait and worry. I slipped back into bed with Bella and watched her as my own guilt began to rip my sanity to shreds. Wishing I could take her pain away. I wrapped my arms around her delicate form and started to sob my tearless cry into her hair.

_____________________________________________________________

(BPOV)

"Bella, can you hear me?" I knew that voice, but decided it be better to not answer. The fire was still scorching my body, licking every inch of it. I could not, would not allow Edward to see the true amount of pain I was in.

"Bella? Bella if you could please squeeze my hand, let me know that you can hear me." I hadn't realized Carlisle was here. I ignored his request, fearing that I would alert Edward to the pain I was in.

"Oh Edward, look how beautiful she is, she will be even more stunning than Rose." Alice shrilled in excitement. Wow, Alice was here too. Of course she would be, she had seen what happened and most likely hopped on a plane in less time than it took Edward to calm down and ask for help.

"Alice, she has always been beautiful. You know it would be wise to keep that information to yourself. Rosalie is too vain to take that kind of news lightly." Edward said firmly to Alice but then he chuckled.

"Bella, could you please squeeze my hand?" Carlisle asked again. This time I complied. It felt like I was gripping a hot cast iron skillet without a pot holder. After a moment, I relaxed my hand and felt his hand pull away.

"She is strong Edward, she might even be stronger than Emmett on his best day." I could hear the smile on Carlisle's face. This too made me smile. I heard Edward gasp and Alice shrill with the small gesture that I was paying attention.

I could feel Edward's lips against my ear as his angelic voice chimed. "Bella, I Love You, I'm so sorry!" With those last three words, I began to worry a bit. He had still not accepted the fact that this is what I wanted. That he had nothing to apologize for. I was now fretting over how to deal with Edward and his stubborn morals.

As he pulled away, I felt Edward's lips pause against my cheek, I took advantage of his stillness and turned my face to meet his lips. I endured the pain long enough to express to him that I wasn't holding a grudge with a chaste kiss. He pulled back suddenly and simply said, "Love, it helps if you don't move around."

Uggg, he was so stubborn sometimes. I knew then that my new found strength was going to be my greatest ally while I dealt with Edward and his loathing. If it took force to get Edward to listen to me, then by all means force would have to do.

Not only was I becoming stronger, sounds became sharper as well. I allowed the crashing waves and marine life swimming about to help take my mind off the pain.

I also heard Alice in the master bedroom. I was certain she was cleaning up the feathers that were scattered about the room. We had moved into the guest bedroom the second night we were here because of the mess. I was a bit embarrassed just thinking about Alice cleaning up after my and Edward's destructive moment of passion.

I then turned my attention to the living room. I heard Carlisle flipping through a book or magazine. I could also hear the TV as if it was in the same room with me. A massive storm was part of the top stories as I listened, I was taken by surprise at what I learned. _"This massive hurricane has made landfall on August 18th and has put Florida in a state of emergency. This is one of the strongest storms to hit Florida in years, reaching as far north as Jacksonville. With damaging winds up to 100 miles per hour and flood waters reaching 6 feet in some areas, has kept fleeing citizens trapped and dozens injured. Rescue efforts are now underway searching for survivors. Most residents are without power and many more homeless. Temporary shelters are being set up where flood waters have receded...."._

My mind began to race, worring about mom. Had I not been on my honeymoon, I would have paid more attention to what was going on in the outside world. My heart sank with the knowledge that my mom could be hurt or worse, dead after such a storm.

Time was passing, slowly, but passing none the less. I just wished the whole transformation was complete, not because of the pain. The pain was the farthest thing from my mind, my sole concern was only Renee and Phil's safety and well being. As long as my mother needed me, I would do anything to be with her. I didn't know how if would be possible, but I will find a way, regardless of my current situation.


	7. Purgatory

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(EPOV)

I heard Bella let out an exasperated breath and I rushed back to her side. She had a look on her face that alarmed me. Suddenly Alice was beside me with her eyes focused on a vision. Immediately her vision hit me full force.

_Bella was at the airport boarding a flight to Florida. The look on Bella's face didn't give away what she was thinking. _

"What does this mean Alice, can you see anything else?" I asked of Alice. I was beginning to wonder what would possess Bella to take off to Florida, one of the sunniest states. Surely she knows the dangers of being out in the world as a newborn, and why would she take the chance at being seen in the sunlight. None of this made any sense.

Just then Carlisle entered the room with the answer to all my questions. "Hurricane Fay made landfall a few days ago. I thought nothing of the storm hitting south Florida till now. Bella's mother flew back the morning following the wedding." Suddenly it made sense. Bella being Bella was willing to risk everything to save her mother.

"Carlisle will you get on the phone with Charlie, ask him for Renee's number? Find out what you can so we can inform Bella. We must not allow her to go to Florida." Carlisle nodded and left the room.

"Edward, my vision came in crystal clear. She is determined to go whether we allow it or not. She has two courses of action she is willing to take. Honestly Edward, she has the upper hand being a newborn. I am a little worried." Alice always had high hopes and was always able to boost one's spirits. Her uneasiness was quit frightening to be honest.

"Alice could you please focus on, when this takes place? Also, how much longer does she have to complete the change?" She quickly began to focus on the near future. I leaned into Bella's cheek and whispered so only she could hear, "I Love You, please don't leave me love, I don't think I can bare loosing you." I gently kissed her lips and backed away and turned my attention back to Carlisle, who just entered the room.

"Charlie said that all the phone lines are down. That he has tried to contact Renee himself. Edward, it's not looking good. I checked the forecast and since the storm has passed, the sun will be shining for the better part of the week. I can't risk exposure sending someone to check on Renee." All hope of getting Bella to change her mind was diminishing.

"To answer your first question, we have very little time Edward to discourage her trip to Florida, less than two days. Secondly, she will wake in four hours and twenty-six minutes. I should warn you she will wake stunned and angry. So, what do you suggest we do?" I was at a loss of words. I truly wasn't expecting this kind of thing to be happening.

"Alice just keep an eye out. I will sit here and talk to Bella. Maybe I can persuade her. Carlisle, find out what you can? If you have any contacts in the general area, see if they can check on Renee for us. That's all I know to do at the moment." With that Alice and Carlisle left the room, leaving me with Bella to hopefully convince her into not taking this trip.

_____________________________________________________________

(BPOV)

I was contemplating how I could get to Florida to check on my mom. I planned on sitting everyone down to try and convince them that I had to go. That I would hunt just before leaving. I was so determined that I knew I could control the blood lust. I would will back the thirst for my mother. I also knew I would need dark brown contacts to be able to blend in with the general population. I would fly into Florida and wait till nightfall before searching for my her. I just needed to know if she was alive. If my family would refuse to allow me to go, I was confident enough that I could force my way past them and swim to the mainland if necessary. I would use my strength to my advantage. Suddenly, I knew that Alice knew my plans as well. I heard some of the conversation between Edward, Alice and Carlisle just before the pain took over. I quickly lost focus to what was being said. I had faith that they would do whatever they could to find something out. However, I had to strategize my plan, just incase they came up empty handed.

I felt Edward lean into me and ask me to not leave him. How could he even begin to think that my going to check on my mother had anything to do with what had happened.

I pushed back the pain and allowed my mind to take over. But all to soon I felt the bed shift and knew that Edward was again laying next to me. He began to run his fingers over my collarbone and began making circle patterns just above my right breast.

Edward leaned into my cheek and began trailing kisses from my jaw to my forehead. Oh how I wish that those kisses would bring me piece of mind. I had to worry about my mom and the pain wasn't easing any either.

He pulled back and began talking to me, trying aimlessly to persuade me into not going to Florida. Little did he know that nothing he said would change my mind but I listened anyway.

"Bella I need you to please think this through. We will make sure your mom is safe and try to get her back to Forks if that is what you want.

"Carlisle is on the phone with a some colleagues at the hospitals in Jacksonville and the surrounding counties. He is also trying to locate a few friends that might be in the area. We are doing everything in our power to make sure she is safe.

"You don't have to take off to Florida. Do you not realize the dangers that lie ahead of you if you do go? For starters, your thirst, being a newborn is the most dangerous time for slip ups; I simply can't allow you to take that risk. I know you all too well. If you spill human blood, you will never forgive yourself not to mention, you may never find our diet satisfying.

"Please Bella, I love you and need you to listen to me. Everything is going to be fine. If you go through with this, you risk exposure. Accidents happen to even the strongest of us all. I slipped with you, I will never forgive myself for allowing such a thing to happen. So to say that you could control your thirst isn't going to convince me that you need to go.

"Please, Bella I'm begging you to not do this. I love you. Think about what I said, Please." I heard Edward's voice crack at the end. I knew then that this was taking a toll on him. I don't know how much time had passed but I laid there in Edward's arms, taking into consideration all he had said. It was the least I could do.

As if I didn't have enough to deal with, the pain changed. I had been doing so well not to alert Edward of the pain I was in. I wasn't about to let that happen now. So I ground my teeth together, bit my tongue and chocked back my scream.

Three things happened at the same time. First my heart felt as if it was going to pound out of my chest with a fire much hotter than anything I had endured so far. With each beat, the heat intensified. Second, the heat coursing through my veins began to fade slowly. My feet were almost pain free as well as my palms, leaving the areas blissfully pain-free and cool. And lastly, the burn that was in my throat was a scorching thirst. I was parched and needed to quench it. All I felt was a burning fire and a burning thirst.

I knew then that Alice and Carlisle had also entered the room. I could feel a hand on my forehead and another on my wrist. "Bella, it's almost over." I heard Carlisle finally say.

I would soon be free of this torturous pain and would be able to focus on my mom and also, making Edward understand that I was not angry with him.

I could hear the distinction in footsteps, and to my amazement, each scent was different as well. I knew Edward was to my right and Carlisle on my left. As Alice entered the room, she simply said, "She is doing so well Edward! And, I thought you would like to know that the transformation will be complete in three minutes." she almost sang.

I tried my best to hold back my agony but failed completely. I let our a scream so loud it hurt my own ears. The intense burning was engulfing my control and I was no longer able to hold back my scream. At that point, I didn't care about Edward knowing my pain. I wanted some sort of release, even if it didn't take the edge off.

******

My fingers twitched- the irritation breaking through my perfect façade. The room went silent besides the jack-hammering of my heart as they all stopped breathing for a second in response.

A hand squeezed my wayward fingers. "Bella? Bella, love?"

Could I answer him without screaming again? I considered that for a moment, and then the fire ripped hotter still through my chest, draining in from my elbows and knees. Better not to chance it.

And then- _oh!_

My heart took off, beating like helicopter blades, the second almost a single sustained note; it felt like it would grind through my ribs. The fire flared up in the center of my chest, sucking the last remnants of the flames from the rest of my body to fuel the most scorching blaze yet. The pain was enough to stun me, to break through my iron grip on the stake. My back arched, bowed as if the fire was dragging me upward by my heart.

I allowed no other piece of my body to break rank as my torso slumped back to the mattress.

It became a battle inside me- my sprinting heart racing against the attacking fire. Both were losing. The fire was doomed, having consumed everything that was combustible; my heart galloped toward its last beat.

The fire constricted, concentrating inside that one remaining human organ with a final, unbearable surge. The surge was answered by a deep hollow-sounding thud. My heart stuttered twice, and then thudded quietly again just once more.

There was no sound. No breathing. Not even mine.

For a moment, the absence of the pain was all I could comprehend.

And then I opened my eyes and gazed above me in wonder.

******


	8. Forgive

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(EPOV)

The excruciating pain Bella was in told us the transformation was near completion. As her heart rate spiked, Bella let out a shrieking scream so loud that it raised the hairs on my arms. I could have sworn that my granite skin had cold chills as I shivered from head to toe. That scream would haunt me for as long as I survived this too long of a life. I wanted nothing more than for my embrace to relieve her pain.

I knew that was my cue to retreat. I pulled my arms away from her tiny body and sat up next to Bella for another minute, took her hand into mine as I gently squeezed it and whispered, "Bella? Bella, love?" She didn't respond as I knew she wouldn't. Instead, I heard Bella's teeth grind together and her brows furrowed while it sounded like her heart was going to pound out of her chest. We all sat in silence waiting those last few seconds till she opened her eyes, to welcome her to this new life.

Then Bella's back arched off the bed before slamming back down again. I laid Bella's hand by her side and reluctantly moved to the foot of the bed as Carlisle and Alice made their way to the door to block her exit. We knew Bella would recognize us and most likely not harm us, but we took extra precaution just incase Bella's initial reaction to her thirst became a dangerous situation.

The heartbeat I so loved, took one last thud before a deafening silence consumed the room. I would mourn the loss of that beautiful sound as well as the blush of her cheeks. But I could not dwell on such things at the moment. I was more concerned with the wrath that awaited me. I was still unsure as too how she felt or would react to my actions only days ago.

Bella's eyes fluttered opened and adjusted to her new found eyesight. I knew this would be a very shocking experience for her and I wanted to know how she was doing. "Bella? How do you feel love?" I asked with uneasiness prominent in my voice.

Bella looked up at the ceiling for a long moment. Then she slowly turned her attention to Carlisle and Alice. Suddenly she turned her attention to me. _Here it comes_ I thought and braced myself for my due punishment.

What happened next literally knocked me off my feet. Bella leapt off the bed, wrapping her legs around my waist and entwined her fingers through my hair. "Oh Edward, it's over. It's finally over." Her beautiful face held no anger or resentment as she crashed her lips into mine with such force I lost my balance.

I slammed into the wall behind us leaving an indention the exact shape of my body. I heard Alice and Carlisle laughing from the other room. They had excused themselves to allow us the privacy we would need and I was grateful.

_Alice and I are heading to the mainland to hunt. Take care of Bella first and as soon as you two are done, she needs to hunt. I know you will be a great teacher. The prey on the island will be good for her to start with. Not to mention, no humans. We will be back tomorrow evening. Now, Go get her tiger! _Carlisle thought with a chuckle.

At first I was dumbfounded and shocked but very soon desire took over. I knew then that all my worries were now null and void. She obviously had no intentions of discussing the matter right now. Bella was going to _show_ me that she was not upset with me. A smile stretched across my face and a warmness filled my dead heart with that revelation.

Thankfully, the only thing separating Bella's bare flesh from mine was the t-shirt and panties Alice dressed her in. Bella pressed her breasts against my chest and I could feel her nipples harden through the fabric. She also began to gyrate her hips against mine. The heat that radiated from her center caused my own arousal to throb and pulsate. My erection became painfully constricted in my sweats as she pressed her sex into me.

At that very moment, I wanted nothing more than to ravage her body. I quickly spun us around so she rested against the wall. I brought one hand down to her bottom getting a firm grip to hold her steady. As I grabbed the back of her neck pulling her closer to deepen the kiss with the other. I swept my tongue along her bottom lip asking for entrance, she obliged and soon our tongues danced around and fought for control.

As Bella rested against the wall, I began to thrust my erection into her as we moaned in unison. I trailed my fingers down her side reaching under her shirt. I slid my hand up to trace the curves of her breast and kneed each beautiful mound as small moans came from Bella. In one swift motion, I removed her shirt, only breaking our kiss for a second, revealing her pert and plump breast. My erection grew more painful as she pressed her breast onto my bare chest. Electrical shocks and fire ignited my body as a massive heat pulsed through my erection.

I pulled back from her lips, but not leaving her skin as I trailed kisses down her jaw, moving down to her shoulder. Finally I found her erect nipples and traced my tongue around it. taking it between my teeth to nibble it with urgency and flicked it with my tongue. I switched breast, giving the second the same treatment I had given the first, making sure not to neglect either one.

Bella slowly ran her fingers down my bare chest tracing my nipples before making their way to the waistband of my sweats. She slipped her hand between us where she quickly reached into my pants and found out I had no boxers on. A sexy smile stretched across her face as she tugged down the waist of the sweats revealing my throbbing erection. The urgency in her seductive grip around my member was indescribable as she slid her hand up and down, squeezing the tip with each pass. I felt my legs weaken as I made my way over to the bed. I also managed to kick off my sweats on the way before I gently laid Bella down onto the bed. I pulled back to look at her and was astonished at the immortal beauty before me. She looked up at me with her eyes full of love, need, and desire.

I slipped onto the bed next to Bella and began kissing each breast before moving down to her belly button where I lingered for a moment as my hands reached under her bottom and removed her panties at vampire speed. She released an exasperated breathe as I trailed kisses down her right thigh as my fingers slid up her left. I kissed back up and rested my head on her abdomen as I traced the lips of the moist folds of her sex. The perfect pink flesh were plump and throbbing with anticipation. The moisture pooled between her legs and I took in the scent of her arousal letting it assault me.

I looked up at her as I slipped one, then two fingers into her, massaging the walls as they constricted and released with each thrust of my hand. I lowered my mouth down to the bundle of nerves and took her clit in between my lips and began to suck as I added a third finger. I curled my fingers up towards her belly button and began pumping without yield in and out of her throbbing sex. Bella bucked her hips into me begging for release.

"Eddwaarrdd" Bella almost screamed as I complied sending her into her first orgasm. A fountain of her juices flooded my mouth and I lapped up every single drop. As if my need for her wasn't painful enough, Bella looked up at me with the sexiest smirk. She quickly grabbed my wrist and pulled my fingers to her lips. She snaked her tongue around each one of my fingers excruciatingly slow. She cleaned my fingers not missing a single drop of her fluids that drenched my hand. That had to be one of the most erotic sights I had ever seen.

Bella took control and sat swiftly sat up onto her heals before pushing me back onto the bed. She reached down and took my erection into her hands and gently squeezed as she ran her thumb over the tip spreading the precum before taking my erection into her mouth almost completely. She began pumping her mouth up and down, causing my body to convulse uncontrollably. She cupped my balls in one hand as she flicked her tongue across the tip, sending a wave of pleasure, unlike anything I had ever experienced before, through my entire body. She then ran her tongue up and down the length of my shaft before taking it into her mouth again as she massaged by balls. If her hand was indescribable, then her tongue and mouth were phenomenal. I was so lost in the moment I let out a groan so loud I heard the windows rattle. I spilled into her mouth like lava shooting from a volcano. Bella pulled her head back as I watched her swallow every last drop before licking her lips.

My erection was not softening anytime soon and I was by no means through with Bella yet. So I regained control and flipped Bella onto her back. I grabbed her ankles, pulling her knees to her chest and rested between her legs, pressing my erection against her core. She looked up at me with pure, uncontrollable hunger, not from thirst but from need. I teased her entrance with the tip as she through her head back onto the bed and let out a combinations of sounds so intoxicating my erection hardened even more. Then she said all I needed to hear. "I Love You, make love to me Edward! I need you, all of you, please!"

I leaned down to her and whispered against her lips "I love you too!" putting all my love, devotion and passion into the kiss as I grazed her entrance with the head before gliding into her moist and throbbing sex. I sheathed myself completely into her and waited a moment before I began to thrust in and out with a slow steady speed. Bella deepened the kiss and began bucking her hips against me before breaking the kiss with a deafening moan.

Our synchronized rhythm was the most passionate and beautiful dance known to mankind. Bella would whisper_ I Love You_ into my ears repeatedly as she tangled her hands through my hair while kissing every inch of my face, chest and shoulders. When I deepened my thrust, she would moan _Edward! _filling my ears with the sweetest sound in the world.

With inhuman speed, I put hands under her bottom, propping up on my knees pulling Bella up with me. Without stopping my thrust or breaking our passionate embrace, I flipped Bella over onto her stomach. I scooped her up off the bed pulling her waist level to mine as I thrust into her from behind. I held her hips firmly between my hands, moving in a circular motion as I deepened my thrust. I slammed into her with so much force, I heard the bed frame snap. Bella roared with her climax as the new depth sent Bella over the edge as she exploded onto me for a second time.

I leaned into her and started kissing up her spine and stopping at the nape of her neck as I reached around, cupping her breast. I pulled Bella's back up against my chest sitting her on my lap as I sat back on my heals. I began tweaking her nipples as I took the other hand down to her bundle of nerves and began massaging them while I pumped up into her. Bella soon took control pumping her hips down into me, as she set the pace going deeper, harder and faster. I held her close as she created enough friction to send her into oblivion, taking me along for the ride.

I felt her muscles clamp around me as she came undone with her third orgasm just as my own powerful release exploded into her. The warmth of our commingled fluids flowing from her core, turned me on even more. I let out a primal grunt and a low growl rumbled from my chest from the intensity of our synchronized orgasms. I managed to quiver one last thrust and I then heard Bella let out a very sexy and seductive growl of her own as she rested her head back against my shoulder. I collapsed onto my side, pulling Bella down with me, while my, still very hard, erection pulsed the last of my seed into her. Myy entire body shook as well as Bella's while we both came down from our vigorous orgasms.

Soon our breathing steadied and our muscels relaxed. I was completely satisfied, relishing in the warmth of her sex wrapped around me. I was in heaven, the utter bliss of her touch soared through every part of me. I could lay like this for eternity and beyond with Bella in my arms. Making love to Bella was beyond amazing and I was by no means ready for tonight to end. I whispered into Bella's ear and kissed her lobe gently as I said, "Would you care to join me in the shower?"

Bella pulled out of my arms, stood from the bed and turned to look at me with that sexy smirk on her face. She ran her eyes down to my still throbbing erection, leaned down to my ear and purred, "Ready when you are loverboy!" before walking to the bathroom. I followed quickly behind her.

Bella's love for me radiated around her, with each caress, kiss and embrace. I allowed Bella and the water to cleanse away all my worries and fears. My guilt was quickly washed away as our passion for one another escalated again and again throughout the night. I would never tire of Bella's touch. She made me feel complete. For the first time, in nearly ninety years, I actually felt like a man rather than a beast.


	9. First Hunt

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(BPOV)

My life was almost whole and complete. I was in the arms of the most wonderful and compassionate man. The last few hours ,ever since the pain subsided, had been spectacular. Words can't even describe how happy I truly am.

Being unbreakable had altered the course of our physical love to a whole new level. I, for one, would never regret my decision. Equality was the one missing piece of the puzzle to my and Edward's relationship.

I was a little disappointed that I didn't possess a special ability. I wasn't granted the power to read one's mind or even foresee the future. Instead I gained agility, stamina, dexterity, strength, and superb hearing, just as all vampires did. I was so grateful that, for once in my life, I moved with grace and poise.

I was never a vain person so I hadn't even thought to look in a mirror to see myself through new eyes. That is, until Edward mentioned how beautiful I was and pointed at the stranger in the floor length mirror before us. I stared at the mirror, slowly taking in my new appearance. I was fluid even in stillness and my flawless face was pale as the moon against my dark, heavy hair. I was unquestionably breathtaking, every bit as beautiful as Alice or Rosalie.

Despite the red eyes staring back at me, I was beautiful. As I appraised myself, with my mouth agape, I began to recognize my old self in my new form. I could not have been this beautiful as an immortal had I not possessed such qualities in my human life. I smiled in spite of myself, as pride and self assurance washed through me.

My breast heaved with my unnecessary breathes and my hair flowed around my face as I spun around looking in the mirror admiring every inch. As I was mid turn, Edward captured my lips kissing me with so much passion that my knees felt weak.

We continued making love for the remainder of the night, admiring each other and speaking silent conversations. Allowing only our bodies to say what our hearts felt. Not having my body tire and give out at the end of the day was an added bonus. I knew Edward missed my sleep talking, his only opportunity into my mind, but he didn't seem to be displeased with how he would now be spending his nights.

My mind was processing all the new sensations my heightened senses brought. My emotions were far stronger than I was used too. I knew I had to figure out if Renee was safe in Florida, but I was easily distracted. With each stroke of Edward's caress or his perfect lips on mine, a new flame of desire would course through my body overriding everything else, even thirst.

All too soon, Edward reminded me that I had to feed. "Bella love, we need to get you fed. Carlisle and Alice will be back soon. He expects you to have hunted before he returns."

"Okay, so where are we going?" I was excited to use the knowledge gained from my long talks with Carlisle prior to the wedding. I was aware that my thirst would be overwhelming and anticipated it.

"I was thinking about going to the west side of the island. The animals are smaller, but plentiful. Some deer roam the area, a great start for a vegetarian newborn. How does that sound?" Edward said as he brushed a stray hair from my face. I was surprised that my desire for Edward was far more powerful than my thirst. It took all my willpower to not let desire consume me. I knew I needed to hunt because the burn scorching my throat was becoming intolerable.

"Sounds great, not to mention, no humans." I was determined to keep my kill count at zero. This private paradise was the ultimate place to assure that I would not harm anyone.

Edward and I took off in a sprint towards the west side of the island in search of my first meal as a vampire.

It was a peculiar sensation, the balance between the speed and the clarity. I was expecting to become winded, but my breathe came effortlessly. I knew Edward was fast, but my leaping bounds stretched longer, and soon he was trying to keep up with me. It was exhilarating running with Edward. The freedom of not being the clumsy human was an exuberant feeling.

I had seen most of the island; however my human eyes were too weak too take in the magnitude of such beauty. I rocketed over, under, and through the thick jade maze at a rate that should have reduced everything around me to a streaky green blur. Instead, I could see the prisms of rainbow colored light shining through the thick canopy above us. The forest was much more alive than I I'd ever known- the insects scavenging for food, the wings of the exotic birds fluttering above my head and small creatures whose existence teemed in the shrubs around me.

I was so engulfed in the tropical heaven surrounding me that I soon forgot I was hunting. "Bella, we should stop here. I wasn't planning on taking a swim." Edward mused as he lightly laid his hands on my shoulders.

"Oops!" I giggled and then said "So what are we hunting?"

"We had some Marsh Deer brought to the island. Carlisle likes to keep the island stocked so we don't have to hunt on the mainland all the time. I would prefer to have jaguar here but the island is too small for such a large predator." Edward said with a slight smirk.

I tried to picture the idea of a jaguar on Edward but I couldn't quite shake the fear that crept up my spine as I shivered.

"Bella, concentrate please. Now, close your eyes and listen. What do you hear?" Edward instructed. I could hear everything; his perfect voice, my breathing, the whisper of the birds, leaves rustling in the breeze, insects scurrying about. I knew he meant food so I let my ears range outward, seeking something other than the small life that hummed around me. I heard lapping tongues, the loud thudding of hearts, pumping thick streams of blood…..

The thirst flared again. I tried to swallow and then sighed. It felt like the sides of my throat had sucked closed.

"To the northeast? I can hear light hooves, stepping softly on the moist ground, in a small clearing, drinking from a nearby stream." I said smugly.

" Yes. Now, wait for the breeze and tell me what you smell?" his tone was approving.

Mostly him and his honey-lilac-sun aroma. But the rich, exotic floral scents of the passion fruit and orchids, the fruit of the Uvaia trees, the earthy smell of moss and ferns that bedded the ground were prominent. And then reaching out again, the clean smell of the water. I focused toward the water and found the scent that must have gone with the lapping noise and the pounding heart. Another warm smell, rich and tangy, stronger than the others. I wrinkled my nose. "Deer don't smell very good."

He chucked. "I know- it takes some getting used to herbivores. The meat-eaters smell more like humans."

"I don't suppose there are any meat-eaters around are there?"

"No plenty of deer though." he said.

I snorted and said, "Let's hunt some stinking herbivores. What do I do now?"

His voice sounded like he was smiling. "What do you feel like doing?"

I thought about that, my eyes still shut as I listened and breathed in the scent. Another bout of baking thirst intruded on my awareness, and suddenly the warm, tangy odor wasn't quite so objectionable. At least it would be something hot and wet in my desiccated mouth, my eyes snapped open.

"Don't think about it," he suggested as he lifted his hands off my shoulders and took a step back. "Just follow your instincts."

I let myself drift with the scent, barely aware of my movement as I ghosted down the incline to the narrow meadow where the stream flowed. My body shifted forward automatically into a low crouch as I hesitated at the fern fringed edge of the trees. I could see a big buck at the streams edge, and the shadow-spotted shapes of the four others heading eastward into the forest at a leisurely pace.

I centered myself around the scent of the male, the hot spot in his shaggy neck where the warmth pulsed strongest. Only thirty yards - two or three bounds - between us. I tensed myself for the first leap.

It wasn't much of a fight as I brought down the buck. My teeth unerringly sought his throat, and his instinctive resistance was pitifully feeble against my strength. My jaws locked easily over the precise point where the heat flow concentrated.

It was effortless as biting into butter. My teeth were steel razors; they cut through the fur and sinews like they weren't there.

The flavor was wrong, but the blood was hot and wet and it soothed the ragged, itching thirst as I drank in an eager rush. The buck's struggles grew more and more feeble, and his cries choked off with a gurgle. The warmth of the blood radiated throughout my whole body, hearing even my fingertips and toes.

The deer was finished before I was. The thirst flared again when he ran dry, and I shoved his carcass off my body in disgust. How could I still be thirsty after all that?

My newborn bloodlust was unsatisfied. I crouched and leapt onto an unsuspecting doe that lingered in the forest to the north.

After two does and the buck, my thirst wasn't completely quenched. "Why am I still thirsty?" I knew that thirst was an inescapable part of this life.

"Because your young." he simply stated before heading to the northwest.

We found another herd of deer a few miles from the last herd. After I drained another doe, I stood back and decided to watch Edward as he took down a large buck.

All the times that I had wished that Edward would not leave me behind when he hunted, I had secretly been just a little relieved. Because I was sure that seeing this would be frightening. Horrifying. That seeing him hunt would finally make him look like a vampire to me.

However, it was a surprisingly sensual experience to observe. His smooth spring was like the sinuous strike of a snake; his hands were so strong, so completely inescapable, his full lips were perfect as they parted gracefully over his gleaming teeth. He was glorious. I felt a sudden jolt of both pride and desire. He was mine. Nothing would ever separate him from me now. I was too strong to be torn from his side.

He was very quick. He turned to me and gazed curiously at my gloating expression.

"No longer thirsty?" he asked.

I shrugged. "You distracted me." as I caressed his face, trailing my fingers along his jaw.

He laughed. "Are you done for today? Or did you want to continue?"

"Done, I think." I felt very full, sort of sloshy, even.

He took my hand in his and pulled my arm around his neck. He locked his other arm around my waist and pulled me tight against his body. Swiftly he scooped me up into his iron grasp before gently laying me down on the ground.

He crashed his lips into mine; it was as if his touch, his lips, his hands, was sinking right through my smooth, hard skin and into my new bones. To the very core of my body.

I hadn't imagined that I could love him more than I had. My old mind hadn't been capable of holding this much love. My old heart had not been strong enough to bear it.

Maybe this was the part of me that I'd brought forward to be intensified in my new life. Like Carlisle's compassion and Esme's devotion. Maybe I would just love Edward more than anyone in the history of the world had ever loved anyone else. This I could live with.


	10. Tragedy

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(EPOV)

Watching Bella take down her prey was a sight to see. Her technique wasn't graceful but in time she would develop her own hunting style, instead she just leapt onto her meal with primal force. It was hard to watch my Bella being a monster like myself. Knowing her thirst would reign control as she went on a killing spree to quench it.

Old habits die hard, I wanted nothing more than to swoop in and rescue her from the thrashing deer beneath her iron grip. I knew that if I let my mind flow in that direction, then Bella would only scold me for hating what I had done to her. Only to reassure me that this is what she wanted.

We truly needed to talk about the consequences of my actions. I wanted to, I just didn't know how to go about bringing it up. Bella was a newborn, far more powerful than I. If I angered her in anyway, she could easily take me down. I could not, would not fight her, even if my own life was threatened. Which I am sure that it wouldn't be. However, I was such a pessimistic being that I couldn't help but to think that way. I reluctantly decided that I would allow her to bring it up. Left only with the hope that she would sooner rather than later.

As I kicked the carcass of my last kill to the side, I noticed Bella leaning against a tree with an awed look on her face. Curious as to what she was thinking made me even more frustrated that I could not see into her mind. It was a mild chance that I would be able too after her change, but a man could dream right.

I closed the distance between us in a split second and she reached up and traced my jaw with her fingers. With that small gesture, a fire erupted inside of me. A desire so strong that a primal urge to take my wife right here, right now consumed me. But I was a gentleman and that was not how gentleman behaved.

I gently laid Bella down onto the damp ground and passionately captured her lips. Every ounce of love I felt for her was released into that kiss and she returned the same love as she kissed me back. It was rejuvenating not having to hold back with Bella anymore.

For what seemed like hours, we simply laid there staring at one another, absorbing each other completely. My mind was clear and all my focus was on Bella. I could have laid there forever like that, but I heard an all too familiar voice enter my head.

_Edward, we need to talk. We received a phone call from Esme about Renee. Please keep Bella calm and unalarmed and get to the house as soon as possible. _Carlisle's thoughts were urgent.

I made sure to keep my emotions in check before I spoke, "Bella love, why don't we head back to the house. I am sure you will be more comfortable after a shower." I said as I scanned her body. She too looked down to see the mangled and blood stained shirt she was wearing.

Obviously she agreed with me. She suddenly stood up and darted back towards the house leaving me behind in the dust. I have to say Bella was quick, almost as fast as myself. It was definitely a challenge to keep up with her. _I could get used to this. _I thought with a smile.

On our way back to the house, Alice caught me up to speed on what was going on. _Renee was seriously injured in a car accident, Phil didn't make it trying to save Renee. And Edward, I had a vision that Bella will take off to Florida tonight if we don't agree to let her see Renee. We know that the Volturi are still a threat, so we can't allow that to happen._

Bella and I entered the house to find Alice sitting on the sofa, while Carlisle paced the floor in front of the entertainment center. "Alice, Carlisle, what's wrong? Is it my mom or dad? Oh god, it's not the pack is it? They haven't declared war on us have they?" Bella asked as she took a seat next to Alice.

I knew my eyes had given away that Alice had informed me privately what was going on and it was only a matter of time before Bella picked up on it. "What is it Alice, I know you have told Edward already, so please just say it, what ever it is that has everyone so concerned. I don't like being the last to know." Bella pleaded with Alice.

Alice turned to Bella with a pained expression written across her pixie features. I crossed the room and took my place next to Bella, taking her hand in mine as Alice explained what she knew.

"Bella, you know that we have been doing everything in our power to find out if Renee and Phil were okay, right." Bella nodded motioning Alice to go on. "Until now, we couldn't seem to find anything out to pin point there whereabouts or condition. We decided to wait on Charlie to hear something. He came to the house this morning extremely upset, wanting to speak to you. Esme decided it might be best if she just relayed the information for him. Charlie agreed and is waiting on a call from you.

"We now know your mother is in the hospital with serious, but not life threatening, injuries. She has a few broken ribs and her right leg is fractured, as well as a concussion. She also has some mild internal bleeding." Alice managed to say before Bella interrupted.

"What happened? How is Phil? Why are we just sitting here, I need to go to her?" Alice flashed me a quick glare as Bella attempted to stand. I placed my other hand on her shoulder to try and keep her calm and seated.

"Bella, please listen to what Alice has to say before you go making travel plans." I almost begged as I spoke softly to her before kissing her forehead. Instead of questioning me, she turned her attention back to Alice.

"Renee and Phil rented a car out of Atlanta. They were anxious to get home, but flights in and out of Jacksonville were canceled due to the storm. Late Sunday evening around Sanderson, Florida on I-10, they hydroplaned, crashing into a barrier before flipping over the edge and plunging into a ravine.

"I'm so sorry Bella, but Phil didn't make it. But he managed to help your mom out of the car before it was completely submerged by the flood waters. Renee wasn't wearing her seat belt, and surprisingly, that saved her life. They believe that her stomach took a blow to the dashboard as her head hit the windshield, causing most of her injuries. Your mom surfaced and miraculously made it to the bank. Rescue found Renee a mile from the accident unconscious and later found Phil, still strapped into the drivers seat, and were unable to resuscitate him. Renee was out for three days before finally coming to. She decided to call Charlie yesterday because she didn't want to interrupt your honeymoon." Alice stated.

Carlisle finally spoke, "She is recovering in ICU at Jacksonville Medical. I informed the hospital that I was her physician and they released the details of her injuries to me. I can assure you that she will make a full recovery. She is in the clear and there is really nothing to worry about. They are keeping her in ICU only until the internal bleeding subsides."

"I know you want to go to her Bella. But there is more, please here me out. You cannot take off to Florida alone. I believe you are the most controlled newborn I have ever known, but there are great risk involved. You have not been exposed to humans yet and we all know you don't want spill an innocent victims blood." Alice said before continuing.

"Before you woke from the transformation, you made the decision to find your mom after you heard of the hurricane. As soon as you made that decision to look for Renee, I had a vision about the Volturi. You risked exposure to our kind while searching for her and you also lost control and fed on a human with witnesses looking on. Those actions alarmed the Volturi that a newborn was endangering our secret."

After the Victoria incident a few months ago, the Volturi decided to keep some of their guard, along with Jane, stateside to monitor potential threats. A smart move on their part, if only they didn't consider Carlisle and our growing family one of those threats. Aro's jealousy towards us and our way of life was becoming somewhat of an annoyance that we would soon have to deal with. But for now our main focus was Bella and Renee.

Alice continued, breaking my train of thought, "Once they learned that you were the troublesome newborn Bella, they intervened and you were captured by the guard. You was given only two options, join ranks with the Volturi and live; or meet your death and never see us again." Alice concluded as she embraced Bella in a tight hug. Both sobbed their tearless cries as Carlisle and I watched.

"Bella, we simply can't allow you to take off to Florida, one of the sunniest states, to check on Renee. The hospital she is at will have wounded humans, bleeders. You are too young, your bloodlust would be uncontrollable. We know she is well on her way to a full recovery, please don't go. I would loose my mind if something happened to you, especially at the hands of the Volturi." I begged as I squeezed her hand before pulling her from Alice only to see sheer agony and worry in her eyes.

I was so torn, I knew, had the tables been turned and if it was Bella in the hospital, then I wouldn't think twice before taking off to be with her. But Bella was a blood thirsty newborn, her voice had changed, her face was paler than before, not to mention her crimson red eyes. Renee wouldn't recognize her and that was dangerous in itself.

"Edward, I need to be with her and she needs me. I was always there for my mom, how can I abandon her now. She lost Phil and is all alone in that hospital. How can I just sit here and not do anything to comfort her." Bella was right, I could not deny that fact. She was always the caretaker when it came to her parents. Renee would be distraught after such a tragedy. I know I would have been.

_That's perfect Edward. Carlisle would love too. Get everything in order. I'll take care of Bella._

"Bella, come with me. We need to get you cleaned up." Alice said as she pulled Bella to her feet, she then directed her thoughts to me.

_Edward, I think things are going to be okay now. You are brilliant. _Then she looked over her shoulder at me and winked before disappearing into the bedroom with Bella.


	11. Faith

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(BPOV)

At this moment, I wished that I could cry. I heaved and sighed, yet having no tears to fully release my anguish was unsettling. My dead heart was shattering into a million tiny pieces as I tried to process the overload of information. I felt like I was on the verge of becoming catatonic. It was hard to find my voice, yet I knew I had to say something. Everyone was dead set on not allowing me to go to Renee, but that was not an option. Not even the threat of the Volturi would keep me from being there for Renee during such a traumatic time in her life.

Phil had been the glue that held Renee together. He managed to tame her half-crazed, scatterbrain ideas, showing her how to channel her energy into something more productive.

Phil being in Renee's life was the only thing that gave me the strength to move in with Charlie. I could have easily stayed in Phoenix; I was more than capable of taking care of myself for a few weeks at a time. But the real reason I decided to make the move to Forks was simply that I felt that I wasn't needed anymore. She had Phil and I was just in the way of her being completely happy.

How would she survive without Phil, more importantly, how would she survive without me? I was about to have a mental melt down when Alice pulled me into her arms. Suddenly, I found an outlet for the grief building in my chest. It was a hollow feeling, not having tears, but at least I finally had a way to release the torturous emotions plaguing me.

After a few minutes, I felt Edward turn me toward him and soon managed to find my voice. "Edward, I need to be with her and she needs me. I was always there for my mom, how can I abandon her now. She lost Phil and is all alone in that hospital. How can I just sit here and not do anything to comfort her." I rambled on; making sure everyone understood how it would be cruel for me to not go to her.

I studied Edward's face as the realization to how much Renee truly needed me sunk in. He knew, as well as I did, that Renee was in no way, capable of dealing with such a loss on her own, and on top of that, her only daughter abandoning her while she was in the hospital. I don't think even the strongest of souls could handle such a lack of compassion.

Suddenly Alice pulled me to my feet, dragging me towards the bedroom. I couldn't comprehend why she would choose now to play Bella Barbie. Nevertheless, I needed a hot shower to clear my head, so I didn't put up a fight, one I knew I could have easily won.

As Alice stripped me of my clothing and directed me to the shower, I contemplated how I was going to get to Renee. I was full aware that no one was going to allow me to go of my own free will. Therefore, I would need a plan. I was certain that Alice would attempt to stop me once I made the decision to go to Renee. I was just hoping that Edward would support my decision and wouldn't fight me.

"Alice, don't take this the wrong way, but why are you and Carlisle here?" I asked fully knowing the answer. I decided to distract Alice by changing the subject, as I contemplated a way to get to Renee.

"I think you know why. First and foremost, we came to make sure you successfully made it through the transformation. Also, to comfort Edward and ensure he didn't do anything stupid. He was distraught and angry, words can't describe his agony." I was taken aback by what she meant by 'do anything stupid'. I would most defiantly need to inquire what Edward's motives were had I not survived. I thought as Alice continued.

"I wasn't watching as closely as I should have been, trying to give you and Edward the privacy all newlyweds deserve. It happened so suddenly, that I did not have much reaction time to warn Edward. I'm so sorry Bella; I should have seen Edward loose control. Please forgive me." Alice pleaded. Surely Alice can't be blaming herself. She and Edward weighed too much on there conscious because of their special abilities. I knew everyone put a lot on Alice and pushed her to her limits, especially Edward.

"Oh Alice, not you too. Please, it's a daunting task dealing with Edward and his self-loathing. As much as he tries to hide it, I see straight through the façade of his emotions. I may not be a mind reader, but when you were your emotions on your sleeve as Edward does, it is obvious. I don't need you laying the blame on your shoulders too." I stated matter-a-factly.

"Bella, I know this is the life you wanted. I knew this day would soon become reality. I just didn't foresee it happening while you were on your honeymoon. Once we boarded the flight from Dallas to Rio, I saw that you would wake extremely happy and content with immortality, without an ounce of regret or resentment. Nevertheless, Edward didn't know that, and he refused to listen to reason. He is still tormented by his moment of weakness, constantly berating himself for your situation. But he's not as inconspicuous as he believes he is. Bella, have you two spoken about what happened yet?" I knew Edward and I needed to discuss his actions. I was just avoiding the argument that would brew in doing so. I so wanted to forget all that had transpired four days ago. However, the facts remained, we needed to clear the air and get everything out in the open. That conversation would have to take place soon; I was just avoiding the inevitable.

"We will eventually, I just think it be best to approach the subject gently. Right now, we have other issues weighing down on us. The last thing we need is added tension. Right now the most important thing to me is Renee." I was certain that Alice was preoccupied, because she became less conversational. Therefore, I took advantage of the quiet and let the water crash onto my still form.

I could here her lithe footsteps moving across the floor. Just before she exited the bathroom again, she concluded our conversation by simply saying, "Bella, everything is going to be fine. Please have some trust in Edward. Moreover, don't even think about swimming to the mainland. That won't work." I frowned; leave it to Alice to see my only plan. She was on her toes, watching my every move making sure I didn't take off to Florida. Obviously she knew I wasn't planning on talking to Edward anytime soon. Or she would have passed along the outcome of that unpleasant conversation.

Finally, I was alone with my thoughts and began to wonder how Charlie was holding up. I knew he was still in love with my mother, that much was evident at the wedding. He would never admit it, especially to me, but I could still tell. I would have to call him soon. Then I thought about Phil and his heroic actions that cost him his life. I could only hope that he had a fast and painless death.

My mind wondered and I found myself thinking about my own near death experiences. About how Edward had come to my rescue repeatedly. I was indebted to Edward for being my protector and savior during my fragile human years. On several occasions, he risked his own well being to come to my aide without even considering the risk he was taking. Being immortal gave Edward the advantage he needed to be able protect me without endangering his own life, where as Phil was vulnerable to death. I only prayed his death was quick and painless.

Then I recalled the pain inflicted on my weak human heart when Edward left. I knew my mother's heartache all too well, the loss of your companion, your best friend, your confidant. The devastating knowledge that renders you helpless and beyond repair, when you finally accept the fact he is really gone. The emptiness that consumes the walls of you chest, were your heart once beat, as a hole shreds your ideals of true love to oblivion. Phil didn't choose to leave my mother, as Edward had chosen to leave me, yet the pain is still prominent regardless how the separation transpires.

I was so lost in thought; I hadn't noticed that I was no longer alone. I quickly turned the water off, towel dried before stepping out of the shower to find Edward casually propped against the doorframe, with his arms crossed over his chest.

A smirk played across his lips and I was certain my lack of clothing had something to do with it. I slipped into my silk robe, compliments of Alice, and strolled over to where Edward stood. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pushed myself into, and began to nibble on his ear. He didn't hesitate or retract from my gesture, so I lingered there for a moment gauging his reaction.

Edward reached his hand up to cup my face and gently kissed my cheek before he spoke. "Love, you know I want to but we need to talk about your mother. Please here me out; you will not be going to Florida _alone_. I simply cannot allow it. The risks are too great." Edward spoke with authority, something I was used to. However, that doesn't mean I have to swallow his demands so easily.

I attempted to interrupt, but "Edw…" was all I managed to get out before he placed his finger over my lips abruptly hushing my attempt to argue before continuing.

"We will be going to Florida. We being, Carlisle, you and myself." I wasn't sure I heard what I thought I heard. My mouth hung open for a moment before I collected myself.

"Oh Edward, thank you, thank you, thank you." I squealed before crashing into him, kissing every inch of his face without yielding my newborn strength.

"Ow!" Edward managed to say before he loosened my iron grip from his neck. I kissed him softly on the cheek before stepping around him and into the bedroom to dress. And pack for our trip to see Renee. I was certain that this was going to be a short visit, completely content with that fact.

"Oops, sorry. So when are we to leave then? I will need to pack and I need to call Charlie also. Oh, and I need to call Renee too. That would surely boost her spirits." I asked as I slipped into the outfit spread across the bed. Much to my distaste, Alice picked out what I was to travel in. I was unsure as too why I had a nude body suit, it looked constricting and tacky so I tossed it aside. I was sure to hear it from Alice eventually.

"Taken care of and you can call Charlie from the plane, Renee as well, using the in flight phones. Now put on that body suit, you are going to need it. Florida is sunny and the material will held shield your glittery complexion. Just avoid long exposure to direct sunlight and you should be fine. In addition, I have you several sets of brown contacts lenses. Make sure to change into a new pair every twelve hours, because the venom dissolves the material. I have you some foundation that is the exact shade as your human skin and some concealer for the dark circles under your eyes. Bella make-up is going to be your new best friend, as is that body suit." Alice said as she bounced over to me with a looked of annoyance and excitement written across her pixie like features. Her instructions sounded as she would be leaving us to return to Forks.

"The plane leaves in four hours from Rio and will land in Jacksonville well after dark. We rented a private jet without a stewardess; I am not comfortable with you traveling with so many humans in such confined quarters. We also rented a secluded house near the Osceola National Forest, a two thousand acre preserve just outside Jacksonville. I want you to understand Bella, that we will be hunting each and every night, no exceptions. Renee may be your mother but the fact is your mother is still human. You may be a very resilient newborn Bella, yet slip ups can happen, you are proof of that, and that is what I am determined to prevent." Edward concluded on the firm note that Renee's safety was his utmost concern while making the transition as smooth as possible for my newborn appetite.

I was grateful for Edward and all the Cullen's, especially Carlisle. He was sacrificing his time and his job, to ensure my mother's complete recovery in the comforts of a home, rather than a hospital. Renee would be living with us while Carlisle tends to her night and day, until she is capable of taking care of herself again.

Being near Renee was going to be a challenge, one I wouldn't chance had it not been for the current circumstances. Yet I had faith in myself, faith in my family, and faith in having the willpower to carry me through all my weaknesses and temptations. Determination was going to be my greatest ally, I just hoped I had the strength to contain the monster within.


	12. Control

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(EPOV)

As soon as Alice escorted Bella from the room, I presented Carlisle with my plan. One that would allow Bella to be near Renee, in the meantime assuring her mother's recovery and safety. I was still concerned about taking the risk of allowing Bella to be near Renee, yet I had to allow this. There was no other way. So I would take every precaution necessary to keep innocent bystanders safe and Bella's kill count at zero.

I knew Bella would be thrilled with the revelation I was presenting her. She leapt into my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck and assaulted me with kisses. Her newborn strength soon became painful and I had to retract from her embrace. My silly Bella was so thoughtful and caring. She immediately apologized and quickly pecked me on the cheek as she walked passed me.

I managed to secure a private jet to fly us from Rio to Florida. Carlisle would be coming with Bella and me. He agreed to act as Renee's private caregiver. Carlisle immediately phoned the hospital to discuss Renee's release from the hospital under his care. Alice, however, would not be coming with us; instead she was heading back to Forks to check in on Charlie.

I also found us a place to stay on the outskirts of Jacksonville, near the Osceola National Forest. The vast forest at our doorstep would be extremely beneficial because Bella would need to hunt often. The threat on Renee's life was still a prominent danger. However, the daily feeding would help with Bella's thirst. I knew Bella was confident that she would not to do anything she would regret. Yet, even the most skilled vampire can be tempted by the sweet aroma of human blood. I knew Bella was determined to maintain control of her bloodlust. But I could only hope that she possessed the strength to resist it.

My and Bella's crowded honeymoon was drawing a close. It was nearing time to leave our island paradise to travel to Florida. We had about an hour of travel time before we reached the airport, so we needed to get going soon. Bella refused to sit still for even a moment, so she busied herself with a last minute hunt. Alice insisted on taking her, declaring it girl time. So Carlisle and I finalized our travel plans.

Once Alice and Bella returned from their hunt, Alice had excused herself, dragging Carlisle with her. She threw me a small smile and a nod of her head in Bella's direction. She managed to block her thoughts until her and Carlisle was out of sight. Once at the waters edge she finally clued me in, _We will meet you at the airport. You have fifty-six minutes. Edward, don't talk, just listen. _Alice was hiding something, as soon as she began quoting the Gettysburg Address, I knew for certain that she was. Abruptly, worry consumed me, followed by panic.

Bella crossed the living room and took my hand. She leaned in and kissed me without reserve. She slid her other hand up my arm, resting the palm of her hand over where my heart should have been beating. Her tender touch didn't alleviate my panic, but it did ease up a little bit. The silence was deafening as Bella tugged on my hand, guiding me through the house. I quietly obliged, letting my angel take the lead.

I looked at Bella questioningly as she pulled me into the master bedroom, through the French doors, and out to the gazebo on the white sandy beach. I simply followed her as my mind swam with curiosity. _What could this all be about? Why would Alice shield her thoughts? Could this be one of Bella's seductive plots? Or perhaps, did she have a change of heart about my changing her? Could this conversation be about my behavior that fateful night? _Whatever the case may be,I decided that I was going to take Alice's advice, and simply listen for once, so I kept my thoughts to myself.

As we entered the gazebo, Bella led me to the nearest bench, motioning for me to sit down. Bella then slowly released my hand, taking the seat across from me. I instantly missed the contact, but our eyes were still locked onto each others. I was certain that my eyes were screaming worry and doubt. While hers showed nothing but love and content.

I could see she was struggling for words, yet I remained silent. The increased speed of her pulse had always been a tail tale sign for when she was nervous. That was a thing of the past, but at least Bella still bit her bottom lip, just as she did when she was human.

I wanted nothing more than to be able to read her mind at this exact moment. The frustration mounted during times like these. After what seemed like hours had past, when actually it had only been a couple of minutes, Bella finally spoke.

_____________________________________________________________

(APOV)

During my and Bella's quick hunt, she never questioned my decision to not go to Florida, for which I was grateful. Instead we discussed her attire and the extra precautions she would have to take, so Renee would not notice the changes in her appearance. I reiterated the importance of the body suit. She wasn't pleased with having to wear the constricting contraption, however it was the only way to disguise her paler than normal skin. September was soon approaching, but the Florida heat would be scorching for a few more weeks. I knew she wouldn't want to be in pants the whole time.

I took the time to also study her behavior with prey as well. Her movements were graceful and stealth and her mannerism was very controlled. She carried normal conversation before and after she fed, as if we were simply having a casual human diner. I was blown away at her ability to not allow the primal urge to protect her meal. She was amazing, absolutely amazing.

I let my thoughts drift to Charlie while I drained my doe. During the time I cared for Bella after her run in with James in Phoenix, Charlie and I had become rather close. I was drawn to Charlie; he was a gentle soul with an award winning smile. I was clueless has to why Renee would not want to be with this man. Yet I am sure she had her reasons.

Little did Bella know that my main reason for returning to Forks was to check on Charlie. I had a vision about Charlie shortly after Bella awoke from her transformation, yet I managed to keep that bit of information to myself. Not even Edward knew.

_Charlie had received a phone call from Renee about her accident and Phil's death. Simply asking that he get in contact with Bella for her. Charlie's immediate reaction was to go to Renee, to comfort her. But he refrained from letting her know that. After hanging up the phone, Charlie sat down on the kitchen floor, bowing his head into his hands and cried. For the remainder of the day, he sat motionless, staring out the window. Finally he phoned Esme to pass the message along to Bella for him because he feared that he wouldn't be able to control the sobs. _

It was one of the most painful visions I had witnessed. My dead heart sank at seeing that emotional side of Charlie. One he barred even Bella from seeing. He became lost within himself and torn for his lost love and her situation. For days, Charlie neither slept nor ate. I was worried about him and knew I needed to get to him.

I can now see where Bella gets it from. When something bothers a Swan, they escape deep within themselves rather than finding a release for the emotions plaguing them. They simply become a shadow of themselves, fearful of showing their true pain.

I kept tabs on Charlie closely after that vision. I had a nagging feeling that he was just as unstable as Bella. That he would jump onto a plain and take off to Florida at a moments notice. So I knew that I had to get home soon. It was going to be hard enough for Bella to deal with being around one human, much less two. So my mission had become to go back to Forks, to persuade Charlie not to go to Florida.


	13. Honesty

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile**.

(BPOV)

The more I thought about going to Renee, the more my nerves got the best of me. I knew I should be excited about being there for Renee during this tragic time. And just a few hours ago, I had been, but now fear over rid my joy. More so, I was worried the monster within could take over, reigning control of my bloodlust. I knew better than to share this fear with Edward, but I could not ignore this conversation any longer.

I knew that sitting still wasn't calming my nerves or helping me admit my worries, so I decided to hunt and clear my head a bit. But I would not be going alone, much to my dismay. Alice jumped at the opportunity of what she called 'girl time' and we took off to the west side of the island looking for a herd of deer.

As we ran, Alice bombarded me with fashion tips and warnings. I was grateful for the advice, but my mind was elsewhere.

Prior to finding out about Renee's condition, I had managed to avoid confronting Edward about his moment of weakness. Yet now, fearing that I could accidentally harm my own mother, I knew that I needed to talk about it.

Not that I held a grudge, it was nothing like that. I just needed to know how Edward managed his thirst around me, before that fateful night. And more importantly, how to subside the monster once provoked. I had never predicted I would be anywhere near humans for at least a year, so this unexpected turn of events left me unprepared.

Alice sprinted off ahead of me, leaving me a few moments of peace and quiet. Rather than speeding back to the house, I strolled at human pace, in no real rush to discuss the inevitable.

As soon as I entered the living room, I saw Alice and Carlisle heading for the front door. She turned her head in my direction, never making eye contact and I knew instantly that she had a vision about my and Edward's upcoming conversation and was allowing us some privacy.

I crossed the room in a flash, closing the space between us to reassure Edward that there was no need for concern. I captured his lips, showering him with all my love and devotion, attempting to calm his worried mind.

Once in the gazebo, I seated Edward across from me. I found it hard to stay focused with even the simplest of physical contact. So I thought it would be best to talk if we kept our distance, rather than being distracted by his touch.

As I struggled to form the right words, I found myself chewing on my bottom lip. I knew that I had to take my time to gather my thoughts and not start off this crucial conversation sounding like a fool.

"Edward, please don't be alarmed. I can see it in your eyes, that worry is consuming you so please don't. I need to focus on how to approach the topic and the look on your face is distracting." I scorned Edward. As soon as the last word escaped my lips, Edward's face went blank, expressionless.

The bitter silence that fell between us was uneasy, yet welcoming. For once, Edward was going to sit back and let me have the reigns. My mind was racing and pulsating with agony, for the conversation could turn ugly at any moment, so I braced myself for what may come.

With a heavy sigh, I finally spoke. "Edward, I need your advice and knowledge. You and no other can tell me how to overcome this escalating fear of human blood, the temptation that being around my mother might be the last straw, that my seemingly unnatural self control might finally become too much to bare. Within hours, I will be among the human population and my mother. I need to know how to fight back the urge to indulge my natural food. I am agonizing over the possibilities that I might slip up and become uncontrollable. That you or Carlisle will get hurt trying to protect me from myself." With each word that escaped my mouth, Edward's eyes grew more and more concerned.

After a short moment, Edward finally spoke. "Bella, I will answer any questions you have, you know that. What's on your mind?" Edward smirked with his last word. I knew it still bothered him that he couldn't read my thoughts. However, it was just as annoying the other way around, because I couldn't read his mind either. And his face was hiding his true feelings. He didn't appear to be worried, but I knew he was arguing with himself. He tends to do that more than I do. It has to be exhausting.

"First, tell me about the temptation, how to overcome the thirst. What was it like for you, having to be around me day in and day out?" Finally, the seriousness of my tone took hold; Edward was as somber as they come. Shockingly his complexion paled, even more so than it already was.

I saw Edward take a deep breath and look away before he spoke. "Bella, it was never easy. There isn't a word to describe the torture I endured to be with you, around you, in you. I swallowed back venom with every kiss, every touch, and every caress. Your blood called to me, even after I became somewhat desensitized. I was always tempted by you, my very nature to drain you dry tethered on the edges of my control." Edward walked out onto the beach, gazing into the sunset.

"My will to exist amongst your kind was threatened that first day we met. You were my singer, the scent of your blood poisoned me, drew me in. None of which, I hope, will be the case with your mother. Yet the very real threat that someone else could set off your bloodlustis a possibility. It took massive amounts of restraint to not attack you that day, and I had years of practice and patience to get to that point. Bella, I hate to ask this again, but are you absolutely certain that you want to go through with this? I will do my best to help aide you through this transition, but with your newborn strength I might not be able to restrain you for long. Not before you make a scene and the... Volturi step in." Sheer panic and worry crossed Edward's features, a mirror of my own.

Edward's heartbreaking reality about how difficult it was for him, sent my mind into a cyclone of worry. I was more concerned for Renee's safety than before. As a newborn, how on earth would I maintain control of my predator nature? Why on earth was I being so careless, too even consider putting her life in danger like that. I knew it wasn't too late to not go, but a larger part of me was still willing to take the risk. I then began to worry about if it was the monster within already taking control, persisting on a venture to be with Renee.

"Edward, I am afraid and extremely nervous. But at the same time, I feel deep down that I must do this, for Renee. My will to not harm my mother, with your support, is my strength. I have faith in myself, that my bloodlust will not overrule me. I believe that since it is my mother, knowing this will help me because of how much I love her and value her life." I knew that I only spoke half truths, that my will could easily be broken. I only hoped that Edward didn't pick up on it.

"Bella, it was a daily struggle. Nothing can be taken lightly when someone else's life is in danger. I hope you now fully understand my intent and reason behind leaving you. I may never forgive myself for the pain I put us both through. But at least you can now grasp the severity of the situation, of human and vampire pursuing a relationship. It is a very delicate balance of right and wrong, life and death. When you all but begged for us to consummate our marriage, while you were still human, was one of the toughest decisions to make in my life. As a result, I nearly ripped your throat out that night. Our first time, for me, was the most amazing, erotic, excruciating, and painful night of my life. The monster fought to overrule my careful control, which it finally succeeded." he said as he motioned his hand in my direction. "In the end, I let fate take its course. A decision I must live with for the rest of my existence. One I will never forgive myself for."

Edward had never confessed the whole truth about his struggles while I was human. And now, when my own self control was an issue, Edward realizes that he can no longer hide the ugly truth. A revelation of honesty and remorse was something long overdue for our relationship.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I was selfish and irresponsible, I should've known how difficult it was for you. My only excuse is that I was so captivated by you; every ounce of my being wanted nothing more than to be near you, regardless of the risk. I was too driven by my human induced desires, mainly my hormones, to be frightened for my life. But I want you to know, that I don't feel any regret for those decisions either." I walked out next to Edward, taking his hand in mine. And, for the first time since we started talking, he looked me in the eyes. And what he said next broke me.

"A piece of me died that day. Here you are, living but not alive, breathing without a heartbeat, a walking and talking soulless creature from the very same hell that I came. Before I stepped in and wrecked your life, you had a real chance at a long and normal life, not now, not that I took that chance away. It was the cruelest of acts and I shall never forgive myself, no matter how many times you forgive me. It will never be enough. For I know how the beast won, that this monster," he said as he pointed at himself. "damned you to the same existence that I am forced to live. I can't...I wish...there are no words to express how very, very sorry I am." He concluded as he hung his head down, as dry sobs escaped his lips. He was actually shuttering at the image of that fateful night. And I found myself embracing Edward, hoping that my touch could help ease his pain.

I knew then that we had an unexpected breakthrough. I hadn't intended on this conversation to be about the night he lost control, yet here we were. I knew he needed to get this off his chest. And I needed to hear it. Only time could heal his wounds. So, for now, I would comfort him; reassure him of the life I had chosen, one with him for an eternity. I was hoping that he would someday very soon, stop blaming himself. So now, not only was I on a mission, a test, to control my bloodlust. I had to also help Edward lift the burden he carries on his shoulders and to also be there for my mother while she grieved and healed. Renee needed me, so I would make the ultimate sacrifice and take on the torture to help the ones I loved. Just as Edward had done for me time and time again. I was praying that I carried the strength that Edward possessed. And very soon, we would find out just how weak or strong I truly am.


	14. Visions

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile**.

(EPOV)

The image of Bella lying on the bed motionless, barely breathing was enough to make me convulse with agony. I felt Bella move closer, snaking her arms around my waste, and pressed her lips lightly on my shoulder. I was ashamed of myself for breaking down in front of Bella. I knew that I should be stronger than this. Bella's embrace was welcoming, for it is the only thing that could possibly alleviate my misery.

My insides may be frozen in time, yet I felt nauseas. I had finally opened up to Bella, something that had to be done. However, I had only let her in on what it was like being around her while she was human. And I couldn't reframe from telling her how my mistake, taking her soul, had all but devastated me. I knew that I now had to share with her how it happened. This part of the conversation I truly dreaded.

"Edward, we will get through this together. I swear that my new goal in life is to show you the love and patience that you have bestowed upon me time and time again. Together we can overcome the errors of our ways. Because of how much we love each other, the strength and power of such passion cannot be broken or torn apart by petty mistakes. You speak of fate, but I call it destiny. I was meant to move to Forks, to meet you, to fall in love with you, and to spend forever with you. That was my destiny and I don't possess the willpower to ignore it either. So no matter how upset or distraught you are about you lack of control, know this, it will not deter me from loving you, being with you, or wanting you." Bella squeeze my hand as she spoke. I knew she was right. If only I could feel relief with those words.

I was managed to control of the dry sobs and put all my focus on Bella. She knew what to say to help me get my emotions in check. This conversation was far from over. I turned my attention to Bella once again before I spoke. And as my eyes met hers, I was hypnotized. Her very presence was calming. I may not feel I deserve her as mine, but regardless, I was beyond grateful.

"Bella, there is more. It is a relief getting so much off my chest, yet I have evaded teling you the whole truth about my desire for your blood. You only knew the danger of being around me, but you never knew what set off the chain of events. I am not too happy to be admitting it either, but it is time I told you everything." We decided to walk along the beach, hand in hand. It was very romantic and tranquil, extremely calming as the waves rolled over my and Bella's feet. The setting was far more beautiful than the awful truths I was about to reveal.

As I gathered my thoughts, I simply stared into Bella's eyes. It helped with the rage that was building inside, just knowing what I was about to admit was enough to drive anyone insane. But I knew Bella deserved the truth. I just hoped she wouldn't hold a grudge. Finally I found the courage to speak.

"There is something I need you to know Bella about the horror of what I have known since the first day we met. You knew I had taken off to Denali, but you only know the surface as to why. Alice saw me make some very bad decisions involving you. So I left to save your life and to protect my family. But it was Alice's vision that drove me away from you." I took a deep breath, and Bella chimed in as soon as I paused.

"What did she see?" Bella was tuned into my confession with an open mind, for that I was thankful. I am done with half truths and secrets. Tonight Bella would learn everything, from the very beginning, until her last moments as a living, breathing human.

"You were standing in the kitchen of Charlie's house, with your back to me as I lurked in the shadows. I stalked up behind you and captured your jugular before you even knew I was there. I saw threw Alice's vision that my irises were crimson red, with fresh blood. And you dead." Bella gasped as I continued. "As soon as she had that vision, it was quickly replaced with another. All she saw was an empty highway at night, with trees coated in snow as I sped to Denali." I diverted my eyes for a moment, gauging Bella's reaction, awaiting her response, which never came.

I met Bella's eyes and she didn't say a word. She just simply stared at me, a mask of confusion, hurt, and of all things, gratitude. Any normal person would have snapped back and retaliated. Not Bella, she just signaled for me to continue, so I did.

"Once I returned from Denali, Alice's visions about my future became blurry, fragments. Fading and shifting because my life was at a crossroads. I was so torn between staying with my loved ones and running away from you, that her visions became indistinct images. Once she saw Tyler's van kill you, I was no longer fearful of the danger of being close to you. I only knew that I would not watch you die, not when I could stop it." I decided to give Bella a chance to speak, yet she seemed to not be interested in participating.

"That night, after the accident, I told you about our family meeting and the argument that accured. What I did not tell you was that Alice had a solid vision about your future. It was so clear and vivid, that I couldn't wrap my mind around it. First she saw that the two of you, as human and vampire, would become close friends." I took a deep breath, to collect myself before I continued.

"Then she saw your bloodied, lifeless figure outstretched in my arms, as I embraced your still form. You weren't dead, in the literal since anyway, you were just undergoing the change and I was responsible. I knew then, that you would become an immortal. I fought relentlessly to not see that vision come true. Yet, in the end, there was nothing I could do to prevent it." I was cringing at the vision. I was reliving it with every word I spoke, Bella remained calm and collected. Or at least thats how it appeared.

I was far from being finished, but I knew the rest would have to wait because we had a plane to catch. Finally, Bella seem to snap out of the trance she was in. She pulled my our hands up to her mouth and kissed each finger on my hand, lingering on my wedding ring. Before resting her head on my chest. I sudjested that she wait on the peer while I retreived our bags from the house and she agreed.

I wasn't worried about Bella, so I patiently waited on her to find her voice. Alice said she was in a state of mild shock. Nothing serious or permanent, to just be patient. Bella seemed to understand that Alice was going home to Forks, and asked Alice to give her love to everyone, especially Charlie. Then she reverted back to silence. Not one word was spoken the entire trip.

We landed in Florida, under the blanket of a pitch black night. It was eerie, yet pleasantly beautiful. Once we exited the plane, making our way to the limo, she flashed me a weak smile. I relaxed a bit with her attempt to reassure me. At least she was more coherant than before. I also learned that Bella did suprisingly well with her control while in the limo. Not that the bullet proof privacy glass could stop a vampire, but it did serve its purpose, keeping the human scent in the front of the car.

The limo dropped Carlisle off to retrieve our Audi we had reserved, before taking Bella and me home. Then he was going to the hospital to discharge Renee and bring her home. We had already made arrangments for her walker and bed to be delivered early this afternoon. That gave Bella and I a few more hours to finish our conversation, before the true test of Bella's control would begin. So we decided to go hunt and and continue with the bitter truths. Serenty and calm engulfed me as we took off into the vast forest that surrounded our new home and into the dawn of a new day.


	15. Confession

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(BPOV)

My mind was ablaze with Edward's confession. Unsure as to how I should respond. Afraid to say anything, afraid that the rage I felt would overrule the practical facts. While human, I knew the dangers. I had even chosen this life, completely ignoring the consequences. Suddenly it felt as if I was being pulled into a black hole, as my anger floated on the edge of release, loosing track of reality. I was well aware that my newborn strength was too much for Edward to handle alone. So I fought relentlessly to not let the monster loose on Edward, which was harder to control than I would have ever imagined.

I recalled Edward's words the day he left me in the woods, _"It will be as if I never existed."_I reflected on that fateful day and the months that followed. I realized, with a shockwave of guilt, that he only meant to save me. I couldn't fathom my childish and irrational thinking. At the time, I only assumed he was protecting his family, while trying to force me into a normal life. I should have known that he would not intentionally break my heart. Come to find out, that all along, he knew that he would be responsible for taking life and so he decided to fight fate instead.

I never looked at it from his prospective, yet here we were, reliving months of torture, guilt, and angst. I should have, on so many occasions, understood his cryptic meanings, _"You would be wise to stay away from me." " What if I'm the bad guy?" _The days following the accident, I assumed he regretted saving my life. When in actuality, that was all he has ever tried to do, save me. I knew he must have suffering far more than I was. Had only Edward shared all of this with me long ago. Why did he feel the need to keep such vital information from me? So many arguments could have been spared had only he felt he could trust me with this knowledge.

While on the plane, I reflected on how different things could be right now. Had only he told me, that no matter what, I was bound to this existence. Here all this time, I thought that this life was my decision and on my terms. Ultimately, I was completely wrong. Regardless, I was not going to be angry about it. What's done is done, and there isn't anything that I can do to change it nor would I want to.

I felt more relieved than angry. I had, in some warped and twisted way, been reassured of Edward's love for me. His ability to open up and be so straight forward and honest, in itself, was a miracle alone. Normally he would only share fragments of the truth. And now it seems, he has no desire to be anything less than one hundred percent.

I looked over at Edward and flashed him a small smile, still unable to find my voice, and becoming more and more anxious to see Renee. My nerves were a delicate balance of fear and relief. So much had happened to alter the course of my life in the last few weeks. I had married the man of my dreams, spent a fabulous honeymoon in paradise, became a vampire, and now was on the last legs of my journey to seeing my mother for the first time, as prey and predator.

I wasn't even bothered by the limo driver, who was a few feet away from me. With my superb hearing and keen sense of smell, which was far more superior than the thick privacy glass, I noticed that the driver was most likely a heavyset man. He had a heavy heartbeat, that seemed to worked overtime, trying to administer the needed blood throughout his body. And his scent was pungent, a grotesque combination of motor oil and onions. The driver did not affect my bloodlust at all, and I was relieved and concerned. What if I came across a human who was more appealing, would I be able to choke back the urge to attack then.

Edward seemed to relax into his seat as we drove away from the airport, to our new home. I am certain he was concerned for the driver, more so, than his confessional only hours ago. However, my mind kept shifting back and forth from our conversation, to Renee. Once we stopped in front of the car lot, where Carlisle was to pick up our rented Audi, did my nerves start to shred my collective calm.

As soon as we left the highway, I felt a sense of familiararity wash over me. It almost felt like we were back in Forks. I allowed my eyes to absorb this new environment and I noticed how serene and glorious it was. The vegetation of the forest was divided into two types; swamps and ridges.

We approached a two story, rustic log cabin, complete with green shingles. The ambiance of this place was both breathtaking and yet comfortable. I knew instantly that Renee would feel out of place, being tucked away from the hustle and bustle of the local population. But she wouldn't dare share that with Edward or Carlisle.

The cabin, did however, remind me of Charlie. This was just the kind of retreat Charlie would have loved. I knew then that we would have to make sure Charlie could come to this cabin sometime, for one of his fishing adventures, after his trip to the Amazon of course.

Thinking of Charlie, allowed my mind to drift as I relished on times when things were never this stressful or difficult. When walking into a room of friends and family was never a question of safety. And each time I thought back on the simplicity of my life prior to becoming an immortal, my anger resurfaced. I instantly pushed it back and took Edward's hand in mine. The simplest contact brought instant relief and calmed me considerably.

The night air did little to clear my head though. Renee would be here very soon and I was bound and determined to keep her alive and well. So Edward and I went for a quick hunt. The Osceola national forest was rich with fox and beaver, but I knew Edward wanted feline.

As the sun rose over the forest, I could see that it was a mosaic of low pine ridges separated by cypress and bay swamps. We even saw a few alligators, but nothing about a muddied and leather skinned reptile appealed to me. So I settled for a few red foxes instead. I knew I couldn't glutton myself on them, so I hoped we could find a black bears the next time we hunted.

Once our thirsts were quenched, Edward and I headed back towards the cabin. But before we made it half way back, Edward pulled me into an embrace that screamed love and affection, hinted with worry and panic. He was sensing my sudden contemplation about finally being around Renee, yet I was certain he had it confused with our previous conversation. So I would have to address it before we made it back to the cabin.

"Love, is there anything you would like to say about what I told you? It is driving me insane, not hearing your voice or even knowing what you're thinking. Could you please say something, anything?" How could I deny Edward some peace of mind? After all, he had allowed me to see the depths of his soul by revealing his torment and anguish concerning my mortality.

"Edward, I am not angry. I just need time to process it all. I am afraid I might say the wrong thing. Or even make you feel even more guilt. So I have chosen to collect myself entirely before I respond." I knew it was a poor excuse, but it was the truth.

"Bella, would you like to know what happened the night I…I bit you?" I could see that he wished I would say no, and a larger part of him wanted to just clear the air between us. So I opted to allow him to tell me. I just had to make sure that the threat of feeling betrayed didn't enter the forefront of my mind.

"When you approached me, and made it clear that you wanted to make love. My body was tainted with fear and loathing. I knew I could never deny you again. So I had to make sure that I had my thirst under complete control. But that didn't mean you didn't strike a nerve with my nether regions. The idea fof being with you again was a bit distracting." It was adorable watching Edward speak about his arousal in such a gentlemanly manor. His smirk let me know that he was utterly embarrassed to even be discussing the matter.

"I sensed that part Edward, I…I felt your erection against my thigh. It is okay to say these things you know. We are married and have showered our love for one another in almost every…position known to man." Had I still been able to blush, I am certain that I would have been at that moment. I just needed Edward to loosen up, to realize that as husband and wife, that we can discuss even the most uncomfortable subjects without shame.

"Okay, well that was blunt. A side of you I have never seen." He admitted with a sheepish grin. Edward's eyes danced with shock and lust. He seemed turned on by my blunt referral to his arousal. Then he continued. "Bella, I felt confident that if I hunted just prior, then I would be able to control my bloodlust. But, I desperately wanted to return to your side, to experience your body against mine again. Obviously I wasn't as in control as I thought I was." And the old Edward was back, the remorseful and self loathing Edward.

"The escalating fear that I may hurt you became overbearing, so I headed to the shower to try and calm myself. Once I exited the bathroom, an over whelming scent of lust and arousal assaulted my senses. I was thrown off guard to the point that it was almost painful. You were lying in the bed, covered completely by the blanket, writhing and moaning." And suddenly it hit me. I recalled the dream about Edward making love to me on the beach. Obviously I did more than just talk in my sleep while I was human.

"At that very moment, I lost more control the beast. I closed the void between us and threw the blanket back, to find you completely naked. Groping yourself with one hand and massaging your breast with the other. I knew then that it wasn't your blood that I thirsted for…it was the aroma or your sweet nector. I am ashamed to admit it, I may not be human, but I am still a man, with desires and need. I just wish that I had woken you, instead of sneaking into bed with you." I was in complete shock. For one, I was pleasuring myself and two, Edward watched me.

I could see that Edward was gauging my reaction so I reassure him that I was okay. "Please continue Edward. I am fine, really."

"As I watched you do things to your body, that I wanted to be doing, I memorized what pleased you more and the technique you used. I knew absolutely nothing about pleasing you. I may have the ability to hear others thoughts, but that doesn't mean I knew anymore than I did to begin with. I had to simply use others desires and act them out to the best of my ability." Wow, it was one thing to think such things; it was another to actually admit them out loud. To ease Edward's discomfort, I knew I had to confess that it was the same for me.

"You were not alone there Edward. I didn't even have the privilege of eavesdropping into someone's mind to learn how to please you. I was just fortunate enough that my mom had her Cinamax kick when I was fourteen. They don't call it Skinamax for nothing." I confessed.

"I know love, but that doesn't make it easier to admit. As I was saying, I chose to observe. In doing so, the monster took complete control. He began licking your neck and kissing your perfect lips. As soon as you moaned my name, blackness consumed me. The next thing I recall was looking into your bewildered eyes. I jumped back against the wall and tasted the fresh blood on my lips. I swore at that very moment, that I would never forgive myself." His words came out in low mumbles. It was hard to decipher what he was saying, even with my exceptional hearing.

I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck and forced his eyes to meet mine. He was reluctant at first, but soon the advantage of my newfound strength aided in my attempt to comfort him. I kissed every inch of his face, while I traced the planes of his chest. The sparkle of his eyes was vacant and full of dread and guilt. Someday, I hoped very soon, that the sparkle of life he once possessed would soon return, so that I may have my Edward back again, whole, complete and content.


	16. Heaven

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(APOV)

It was stressful and annoying knowing the future, at times it was more a curse than a gift. I found myself in the middle of situations that neither concerned me nor included me. Yet with each glimpse into the future, sometimes, I found myself intruding on private moments or intimate situations. Most would blush at some of the images that have invaded my mind for so long, therefore making me all the more grateful that I could not show visible signs of embarrassment.

For the past few hours, I had witnessed Bella and Edward's very private conversation. And at that moment, I wished my visions would have black outs from time to time. But I knew it was best this way, because I had the power to alter the course of events when it was beneficial to do so.

I have to say I am quite pleased with my brother; he was handling everything so well. For the first time in my existence, I had seen through my vision, Edward taking initiative and making amends. He was finally dealing with all the pent up frustrations and guilt. I could only hope that this experience would leave him a lighter soul, more carefree and easy going.

But all could not come without the cost of pride, and if I knew Edward, he would let his pride overshadow today's progress. I sat back into my seat, watching and waiting on Edward to slip. And pleasantly surprised that thus far, he had not. Once he and Bella continued their in depth conversation physically, I opted to tune them out.

The vision of my brother and my best friend, a tangle of limbs and moans, was enough to spark my own want and need for Jasper to ignite. And with no desires to join the mile high club solo, forced me to alter my train of thought from Jasper to Charlie.

As I began to focus on Charlie, my main reason, aside from being with my beloved Jasper, for returning to Forks. I noticed his mind was a mess of pleasure and worry. He contemplated flying to down to Florida Memorial Day weekend. Then decided to charter a boat with Billy for a little deep sea fishing instead.

He seemed to be reliving the day Renee walked out of his life with more vigor than normal. In doing so, he relished on the idea of making amends and hoping she would allow him back into her heart. To reconcile and pick up where they left off so long ago.

It was heartbreaking to watch. I knew more, than even Bella, that Charlie was just as in love with Renee today as he was the day they first met. I knew Bella suspected, and I could be almost certain that Edward had heard his internal dilemma's with Renee at the wedding. But what no one else knew other than me was he loved no other, but Renee for all these years.

During the time I assisted Bella with her daily routine, to relieve Charlie from having to help his teenage daughter with her showers, I learned a lot about him. Some knowledge was gained face to face, through in depth conversation, the rest I obtained from watching him sleep. Whenever he would doze off in his recliner he, like Bella, would talk in his sleep.

It felt odd watching a man that physically appeared twice my age, yet wasn't. For some unknown reason, I was drawn to Charlie, as if I knew him from my human life. I knew the impossibility of such a thing, yet the magnetic force that drew me in was inescapable.

It was never a romantic interest, more like a father, daughter connection. And feeling that way about Charlie made it seem more realistic that Bella was my true sister. Not having any recollection of my human life, or knowing the bonds I had with my biological family was sometimes unsettling. But I seemed to fill the void with my close relationship with Carlisle and Esma, and the rest of my family, especially Edward. Plus the relationship I have developed with Bella and Charlie was also a blessing.

Whatever powers that brought Bella into our lives, or visa versa, us into Bella's, seemed remotely accurate. As if nothing could have stopped the forces at work, intertwining our lives, molding us all to become one.

The flashes of the future I perceived before Bella was formally introduced to our family were sketchy and unclear. Through the years, those flashes have become more and more vivid. I was uncertain what to make of the images that plagued me, but one thing was for sure, that we would all live in relative peace and harmony, the Cullen's along side Charlie and Renee.

Yet, I kept this from Bella, not that she doesn't deserve to know. I just believe that it would be best to hold off for the time being, at least until her crimson eyes have faded. Then I would gladly share with her the joy of such news.

(EPOV)

Bella was beyond in control of herself, except for her hormones that is. While she showered me with kisses, I allowed myself to indulge in want and desire for her, releasing months of stress and worry.

I was captivated in her ability to forgive so easily. I knew then that I had been harnessing too much energy for no apparent reason. However, it didn't elevate all my guilt; it just made our situation more tolerable.

I promised myself then that I would no longer create my own dilemmas, and just take things one day at a time and be grateful for each and every moment that I was able to spend with this fabulous creature before me.

Honestly felt refreshing and replenished my self-assurance. One last insignificant detail about that fateful night was all that remained and beyond that, there would be no more secrets.

"Bella, I have more to tell you. Your mother is already at the house, so we need to be getting back soon. She thinks we are in bed, recovering from jet lag. But, I wanted to get one more thing off my chest before we do so." I knew that if I could blush, that I would be at this very moment.

"Ugg!" Bella moaned, releasing the iron grip she had locked around my neck, retreating from her kisses. Instantly I missed the contact wishing I had kept my mouth shut. She simply stared into my eyes with a bewildered look. She appeared shocked that I had more to confess. And so was I, but it needed to be done. I was through with not being totally honest with Bella. I knew she deserved to know every little detail, no matter how grim it may be. "Edward, I am willing to let you take advantage of me, yet you still have more to talk about. I would have thought that you had cleared your conscience by now."

"Patience love, I have no desire to leave your needs unfulfilled tonight." As the words escaped my lips, a snide smirk spanned her perfect face. "Honestly, it's not a very polite confession, one that most men shy away from admitting. _Ahm_…here goes nothing. Bella, the night I bit you, are you the least bit curious how I saved you?" I waited anxiously for her response, as I watched her eyes recognize that she had not.

"No, Edward. I can say that it hasn't even crossed my mind. But you already knew that I thought you were my hero the day you saved me from Tyler's van and those men in Port Angelas." Her nonchalance manner was a breath of fresh air. I took a deep breath and began my embarrassing confession.

"Moments after I...slipped, while damning myself for what I had done, my phone rang. Knowing it was Alice, I ignored the phone, dreading the conversation, for a few minutes before I braved up and answered. Once she learned her warning call was too late, she passed the phone off the Carlisle. I asked him what I needed to do to save you. Knowing that I was in no position to withdraw the venom, as I had with James, was not an option. Alone, in the middle of nowhere, I was unwilling to take that chance. So, Carlisle presented me with my only option, by allowing you to take the change.

"You hadn't received enough venom from my bite, resulting in reducing your heart rate and causing you to pass out. I was afraid that you had entered a venom induced coma. Never heard of one, but I was on unfamiliar ground, and fearing the worst possible scenario, nothing seemed impossible.

"However, to administer more venom to assure you had plenty became the next issue. If I was going to refuse to risk your life by extracting the venom, then I most defiantly wasn't going to bite you again to give you more. Carlisle then informed me of my only alternative, a direct injection of my venom into your heart.

"The biggest problem with that was the time frame I was bound to. To assure I had enough and in a short amount of time, I was forced to ejaculate my venom. I was unaware, until that night, that our semen was venomous. It was a shameful thing to do, but the end result was to save your...life. Can you ever look at me the same way again, knowing what I did?" I watched Bella's face twist with shock and amusement. Only Bella would find such a thing humorous.

The next thing I heard was Bella's laughter. It was the most glorious sound to reach my ears in a very, very long time. She looked over at me with more compassion and love than I truly deserved. But I was done with the secrets, meaning I was also done with feeling that I no longer deserved her.

Beyond all reasons, I was destined to find her as she was fated to be with me. However you perceive the unexplainable events of our past, the present, or what our futures hold for us, one thing was for certain, soulless or not, I am blessed. With each twist and turn life throws my way, I will no longer attempt to alter the course our life is taking. Instead, I will simply take the driver's seat and enjoy the ride.

"Edward, I love you." Was the only response she gave me. And again I found myself overcome with desire. Yet this time, I would not allow my mind to fight what my body longed for most, Bella's sweet scent intoxicating my entire being. And suddenly I was lost, transported into my own little piece of heaven on earth.


	17. Thoughts

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(ChPOV)

When I woke this morning, it felt like any other day, except my mind seemed to be overwhelmed with the notion to just hop on a plain and go to Renee. I knew better, yet the yearning to be there for her was breaking down my sense of reasoning. I busied myself with work and convinced myself it would be a mute point. She didn't want me. So I just let it go, but each day became a struggle as I sat back and did nothing.

I thought back on the day Renee became my wife. There aren't words to describe to amount of joy that filled my heart with those very simple, yet significant words, 'I Do'. I was consumed with pride, knowing that this woman was mine, and I hers. Then I recalled the day I found out I was going to be a father. Renee was absolutely radiant throughout the entire pregnancy. I was certain that my life was complete and whole. All too soon, my world crumbled and everything I dreamt of became a living nightmare.

As I recalled the happiest days of my life, the realization of my misery came crashing down on me as I sat in this now vacant house. This house was not a home; it hadn't been since the day she walked out, taking my life with her. I should have followed her, perhaps that would have changed our future, but the past is said and done. I needed to focus on the here and now, and my future.

Things looked up for me when Bella chose to come live with me. It almost felt like I had my family back, yet one element was still missing, Renee, the love of my life. I never found another, nor did I attempt to. She would always hold the key to my heart, and if by some miracle she chose to rekindle those old feelings, I would be here with arms wide open.

Bella's wedding was an emotional day for me, but like always, I buried my emotions. Always fearful of what others would think of me. I was after all the chief of police. I had an image to uphold and a sobbing man was by no means the epitome of strength or power. Yet all I wanted to do was hold onto Bella and never let her go. I had just got her back, and all too soon, she went and fell in love and was now gone, again.

That day also holds a place in my heart, because for the first time in nearly 13 years, Renee looked me in the eye and finally told me that she was sorry. It was a very short and to the point conversation, but none the less, meant the world to me. At least Renee admits her actions were wrong and childish. She even went as far to tell me she regretted taking Bella out of my life the way she did. But what hurt the most, was she never expressed that she regretted leaving me.

The agony of loving someone who does not return the feeling is excruciating. I suppose that is why I hide behind my true feelings, building a wall to keep my emotions locked away. I know it isn't healthy. But I see no other way to prevent myself from being hurt again. No one should have to go through that kind of pain again. I would love nothing more than to have an open relationship with Bella, she deserves it. It's disheartening knowing that I can't seem to let down my guard, even with my own daughter.

As my shift ended, I trudged my out to the cruiser, heading back to my empty life. The last few years Bella lived with me resolved my depression and became some of the happiest times of my life. Bella has always had her head on her shoulders. The sacrifice she made coming to live with me in Forks, proves just how kind hearted she truly is.

As I rounded the corner on my street, I noticed a very bright car parked out front. I was certain that Bella hadn't returned from her honeymoon yet. But with all the doom and gloom these past few weeks, seeing her smile would certainly brighten my day.

Just as I turned into the drive-way, the driver's side door opened. Out walked my personal sunshine. A smile stretched across my face, I didn't care just how silly it may have looked. "Alice, how are you sweetheart? What are you doing here? Have Bella and Edward returned?"

As bouncy as ever, Alice hopped over to me. She stretched up onto her tip toes and wrapped her arms around my waist, kind of like Bella used to do whenever she met me at the airport. I knew if I started thinking about days past, then I would be no company for Alice. Whenever Alice would visit, my burdens seem less heavy.

"Hello Charlie, I am doing great actually, thanks for asking. I am so happy to see you and no, Bella and Edward are not back. They actually headed to Florida for a few weeks. Bella was so distraught about what happened, so Edward made arrangements for them to nurse Renee back to health." Well at least Renee wasn't alone. I knew Bella would be able to care for Renee better than I ever could. It was best this way, yet the nagging to be with her was still consuming me.

"That's good. Would like to come inside, I just about to order a pizza, if you're hungry?" Alice made a face that was so adorable. You would think that I just offered her a dirty sock for dinner. She must think I am a horrible host, perhaps I should offer something more appetizing.

"Actually Charlie, I have dinner plans already. But I would like to come inside for a few minutes." Her warm smile was heartwarming. Carlisle sure does know how to bring up kids. I never had an ounce of trouble from any of them.

"Come on in kiddo. So how are your parents? I haven't seen them since the wedding." I asked as I headed for the phone to order my dinner. I turned around to face Alice.

"Esme is doing well. Carlisle is with Bella and Edward in Florida. He is going to help them with all the paperwork, so they can bring her home to heal." Carlisle was with Bella and Edward. That was a very responsible on their part, but it still stung that I wasn't needed.

Alice sat at the kitchen table, flipping through the newspaper while I ordered the pizza. Then I excused myself, so I could shower and change into something other than my uniform. "Charlie, would you please allow me to get your clothes together while you shower. And perhaps allow me to groom you a bit." Her big brown puppy dog eyes where impossible to deny.

I chuckled and finally said, "Sure if you must. I doubt I have anything to your liking in the closet though." She laughed and said she had something for me in the car. I was confused as to how she knew my size but quickly disregarded it as I headed for the shower.

I entered the room wearing my towel, trying to peek and see where Alice was. She called up from the kitchen, telling me to hurry up and dress and to come downstairs when I was done. So I quickly grabbed a t-shirt and boxers. I noticed that she had a garment bag draped across the bed, but I decided that I would allow Alice her fun.

As I made my way into the kitchen, I noticed she had a make shift barber shop set up. I sat back into the chair and rested my neck against the small pillow. I relaxed and drifted off into a light sleep as she worked her magic.

Alice really had a way with people. Her touch was so gentle and, had I not known she was there, I would have sworn that I didn't even feel her hands on me. She even went as far as using an old fashioned straight razor. It was by far the smoothest and cleanest shave I have ever had. Then she applied some hair goop, telling me that it would help with stray hairs and smooth out the cow lick that I didn't even know I had.

No sooner than I had sat down, she was pulling me to my feet leading me upstairs again. I wasn't certain what her motives where, but either way, she kept me from drowning in self pity and memories of the past.

"Alice dear, could you please tell me what this is all about?" I was searching her face to find some clue as to her sudden visit and rash makeover. Yet all I saw was happiness and joy. She was determined to see me happy. And that brought joy to my heart. She really is an amazing person.

"Nope, now get your suit on. We have a date. And the reservations are at seven o'clock in Port Angeles, so shake a leg. And don't worry about the pizza, I already canceled the order." I was stumped, she had this planned out. As if she knew I was down and out. Bless her pixie heart. However, I wasn't too fond of being all fancied up for a dinner date. No matter how simple an event it is. I prefer seeing over being seen. And this suit was sure to draw attention.

"Alice is this suit absolutely necessary. I swore after Bella's wedding, that that would be the last time I dressed up for quite some time. Yet here I am getting into this contraption. So what's the occasion anyways?" As I buttoned the last button, the door swung open and there stood Alice peering up at me.

"Don't be silly Charlie; you were born to wear this suit, you look handsome. It's a surprise, now let's get going. And if you don't mind, I would like to drive." I just then noticed that Alice had changed also. She now wore a black cocktail dress. Just looking at her attire and then at myself, I knew that tonight wasn't going to be like any other night. I then began to worry a little bit.

"Alice, I may not be the most pleasant company, but either way I want to thank you. Thank you for being Bella's best friend and thank you for knowing just how to make an old man happy. Your energy is contagious and I am honored to be your escort this evening, shall we?" I showed Alice out the door, as she intertwined our arms together.

I knew that even though a small thanks wasn't exactly breaking the mold, I felt like sharing that with Alice was a stepping stone to opening up to Bella and someday, if by god's grace, Renee. But tonight, I would set aside the memories of yesterday and hopes for tomorrow, instead allowing myself some peace of mind, taking in my present company and only enjoy the night.


	18. At Last

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

**(APOV)**

Some call me an evil pixie because of my forceful, overbearing and demanding personalty. I like to call it necessary persistence. I have discovered through the years, that sometimes a little nudge is all someone needs to steer them in the right direction. I have witnessed years of bad decisions affecting the outcome of peoples lives. Most through visions, some from personal experiences.

Perhaps Charlie considered himself a victim to my forcefulness, Bella too for that matter. However he was not a victim and had I allowed him to visit Renee, he would have been. I couldn't very well tell him that though, so my annoying antics was all I had to fall back on.

We spent the evening at a lovely French bistro before heading to an art gallery. After that we went to a jazz club a few blocks away. As hard as it was, I managed to get Charlie onto the dance floor. By the end of the night,a Charlie I had never seen, emerged. He was exploding with the energy of a twenty year old dancing the night away. For the first time in decades, I was exhausted.

During the ride back to Forks, Charlie managed to thank me. It was very subtle and quiet, but with my vampire ears, I heard it loud and clear. Mission accomplished, Charlie was finally focusing on his own happiness and not that of the woman who abandoned him and taking his child with her.

Even though I knew this intervention would be victorious, it unfortunately would be short and sweet. Nevertheless, for the time being it would have to do.

My vision had changed. It was no longer the gruesome scene of Edward cradling his feral wife in a pool of blood and limbs. Now I see Charlie in the Amazon enjoying a long overdue vacation. He would soon jet off to South America to enjoy the gift that Bella and Edward had purchased for him on their honeymoon.

I could now return to the arms of the man I loved, shower him with the love and attention he deserved for being such a patient husband. It's been so long since we spent quality time together.

For weeks leading up to the wedding, I was useless. As soon as the wedding was out of the way, Rosalie and I took our yearly shopping trip to Manhattan. As soon as I returned from New York, I had the vision of Edward turning Bella. And off to South America I went. Tonight however, would be the end of a very long dry spell.

(BPOV)

As we approached the house, my senses were awoken to the most desirable blood I had ever encountered. My mouth filled with venom as the sweet aroma awaiting to be devoured pulled me closer.

I was about a hundred yards from the house when suddenly, I was slammed against the ground. Using my newborn strength, I quickly escaped Edward's stronghold on me. I shook him loose and kicked him off of me. He slammed into a nearby tree with an astounding crash.

Once again, I was racing towards the house. With a flash, I was pulled backwards. Snapping my head up to only see Edward on top of me, snapping his teeth and snarling. Self preservation kicked in, I knew I was in danger so I did the only think I knew I had too. I bit into his neck, ripping and shredding a chunk away. But he didn't budge.

In that moment, my strength became useless against Edward and is hold on me. I repeatedly heard him calling my name, asking me to come back to him. Then he said the one word that crashed into me harder than anything else that had transpired the last several minutes, "Renee."

Instantly, I knew I wasn't battling Edward any longer, but I was battling myself. I struggled to comprehend my erratic behavior. Then confusion of the situation abruptly brought me clarity.

No longer did the scent of blood intoxicate me. No longer did I fear Edward or death. I only feared myself. And worst of all, I feared for my mother's life.

I once again regained control of myself and threw Edward off of me. With a flash, I headed back in the direction which I had came.

How could I have been so naive as to think that I could withstand the scent of human blood so soon after being turned. Edward was right, as hard as it was for me to admit that, he was.

I knew Edward was close behind me. I stopped and turned around to face him and fell to the ground. "I can't do it, I was stupid and naive and I am such an idiot. What was I thinking, why did you allow me to make such a careless decision. I can't go into that house. I can't take my mother's life, I won't put her life in danger, and...I...I..."

"Shh Bella, everything is fine. You didn't do anything abnormal. Please calm down, hold your breath if you have too, but calm down. I never thought I would see the day that a vampire would have an anxiety attack." Edward's velvety voice instantly soothed me.

For what seemed like hours Edward held me. He rocked me back and forth like a newborn baby, which in actuality I was. I was a newborn vampire, a feral and untamed creature of the night. The life I so longed for finally reared its ugly head and for the first time, I hated what I had become.

"Bella, as much as I would love to stay here like this, we need to get out of here. Some stray hikers are close. The last thing we need is for you to become tempted with strangers." Edward pulled me into a tight hug and then released me. "Distracting you from Renee would be labeled a simple task in comparison to pulling you away from people whom mean nothing to you." I knew he was right. I slowly stood and brushed off the dirt and debris from my clothing and hair.

Edward stood next to me and took my hand and squeezed firmly. Some of Edward's simplest gestures brought me the most joy. He knew and completely understood my hesitation and secretly wished I would forget the whole thing. I also knew Edward supported whatever decision I made regarding Renee. We both knew the danger involved, but I was counting on Edward's gentle touch and soft spoken words of encouragement to get me through this difficult transition.

As if he really could read my mind, Edward reassured me that we didn't have to go home. But I knew I did. "I have to Edward. I haven't came this far to turn back now. Before I wasn't focused. I had allowed my mind to wonder and the scent of blood threw me off balance. I am more focused now, and we now know that you can help me reign in control of my blood lust, regardless of my being a newborn."

Edward didn't argue with me, he simply pulled me into the direction of the house. While we ran towards our home and Renee, I concentrated on the reason for my being here in the first place. Renee was injured and recovering. Not only that, she had lost Phil.

As I escaped into the memories of Phil and how happy he made my mother, I became more confident that this was the right thing. She needed me now more than she has ever needed me before in her life. My thirst was well under control. The idea of drinking the blood of the woman who gave me life almost nauseated me.

Moments later Edward and I were walking through the yard and onto the porch. The terror was obviously written on my face because Edward turned to me and cupped my chin into his hand and placed the softest kiss on my lips and wispered for only our ears to hear, "You can do this, just remember how strong willed you are and how much you love that woman inside".

After a few minutes and without hesitation, I opened the front door and walked into the house and into the next chapter of my life.


	19. Encounter

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(EPOV)

For the first time since Bella reassured me of her so-called control, I had faith in her. She was so determined to adapt to the vegetarian diet, that she was willing to subject herself to the torture of being around her mother only weeks after her change.

She displayed more self control than any newborn I had ever witnessed. The ravaged beast almost had total control, but a part of Bella was still conscience of her actions. Which helped her dominate the beast with logic. I was absolutely mesmerized by her ability to turn her blood lust off by the mere mentioning that this was something she didn't want to do.

After she broke down, Bella began to rationalize her actions. I reassured her that she was only responding to her thirst, just as any newborn would have done. Soon her breathing steadied and the tremors subsided. I could only hope she finally come to terms with the real danger she was putting her mother in. Up until this point, she seemed to only hear what she wanted to hear.

I was confident she had the willpower to control her blood lust. However, my new concern became how well she be able to control her vampiric abilities around Renee. We had briefly discussed her mannerisms; to walk slowly, to move often, to breathe regularly, and to wear the gloves and contacts. But we only discussed the noticeable human movements. It had escaped me to remind Bella to talk slower, not to mention she must try to eat human food.

_Over here guys, I think I saw an alligator. Man, Shawn is going to be pissed if we find one._

_Good, I hope we do. I told him that beach babe would just become a distraction and ruin his trip._

_Who cares, let's forget about that moron and have some fun. _

After overhearing some hikers in the general area, was our cue to get going. Bella decided that she was wanted to return to the house. I simply nodded and held onto her hand. I was trying to convey my support and understanding. The small smile on her face told me she comprehended the small gesture. I lead the way back to our home and prayed that my gut instincts concerning Bella's self control wouldn't betray me.

I heard Carlisle talking to Renee about her daily routine. He knew we were close, so he insisted that Renee try to get some rest before Bella arrived. Thankfully she complied, but not without some persuasion and a dose of morphine. Now I knew where Bella got it from. They were both stubborn when it came to what was best for them.

Once to the house, I let Bella take her time to compose herself. I didn't want her to rush into this. She hesitated for only a moment before stepping into the house. I turned to her and firmly held her hand. Her face contorted and after a few moments, she relaxed.

I led her into the living room where Carlisle was waiting for us. "Bella, your mother is doing well. She has been asking for you. She is resting right now and should be awake in a few hours. I felt it best that she were sleeping when you first arrived, to allow you to adjust to her scent. How are you feeling dear?"

"The burning sensation is uncomfortable but tolerable. I just keep reminding myself that this is my mother, not my next meal." Bella chuckled at herself.

"Bella you never cease to amaze me. For a newborn, you are more tame than I myself was. I believe you might have a future in medicine if you keep up the level of courage and strength you have possessed thus far." _Edward, she is strong, but we must keep a watchful eye on her still._

"Thank you Carlisle, I will take that into consideration." I kissed Bella on the forehead and ushered her towards our bedroom. I wanted to discuss with her the horrid idea that she might just have to eat human food for Renee's sake.

"Why don't you get a shower and once you have cleaned up, we can discuss the day to day routine with you. Every aspect and detail to keep you the human charade up." Bella agreed and made her way to the bathroom.

Charlie had grown accustomed to my refusal to dine with him and Bella. Renee, however was a different story. She would also wonder why Bella wasn't in the kitchen preparing at least one meal a day.

A few minutes later, Bella returned. She was stunning, wearing her comfy sweats and tattered t-shirt. Her face began to contort, so I rushed to her side and wrapped my arms around her to reassure her she had nothing to worry about. I felt her body tense against my side and I pulled her to our bed and sat her down.

"Love, have you thought about how you plan to uphold the human charade with Renee. You are aware that Renee will be curious as to why you're not eating. It is an unpleasant idea, but I believe that we might just have to eat human food." Bella's eyes grew wide and the corner of her mouth turned up into a smirk. Obviously she thought I was kidding. "I am serious Bella, your mother will become suspicious of you not eating or preparing meals. Was that not one of your task when you lived with Renee?"

Quickly her smirk faded, only to be replaced with a disgusted frown as her eyes pierced into mine. "You have got to be kidding. You're not serious are you?"

"Quite serious. I would not mention it had I thought it was something Renee might not notice. We cannot risk Renee suspecting that you yourself are ill. To ease the burden, I decided to endure the torture of human food with you. I am no more pleased with the idea than you are love, but we must do what we must to to prevent exposure." Bella wrapped her arms around me and I kissed her forehead.

"I will do whatever it takes to keep our secret safe, as long as I can be here for my mother." Too soon our serene moment was interrupted. I heard Renee stirring and knew Bella did too.

Bella swiftly moved toward the window, staring out into the humid afternoon, I knew she was contemplating her rash decision regarding coming here. We both knew that we were only moments away from a complete disaster or successful mission. I was hoping for the latter. As was Bella and Carlisle.

Bella quickly inserted the contacts and slipped on the gloves. She opted against the make-up for the time being. She looked fine without it. And I was certain Renee wouldn't even notice.

I caressed Bella's lower back and lead her out of the room. As we headed down the stairs, she stiffened once again and looked at me with a pained expression. I whispered into her ear informing her she was strong and resilient, that she could overcome any challenge presented to her.

Bella simply shook off the discomfort and made her way to Renee's room. Standing outside the door, Bella took a deep breath and slowly entered.

Carlisle was checking Renee's pupils and pulse. Renee lifted her head slightly. The moment she made eye contact with Bella, I was flooded with her mental appraisal.

_Bella looks stunning. Marring Edward has turned my precious little Bella into a woman. She is glowing with a pride and confidence she has never possessed before in her life. I would have to thank him later. _

Bella released my hand and made her way over to Renee. I was close behind, only as a precaution. The lingering worry would never escape me, but I knew Renee was safe. And Bella was happy. I couldn't have asked for anything more.


	20. Epilogue

**Disclaimer and author notes are on my profile.**

(BPOV)

As I stood before Renee, I praised myself for maintaining the strength and control I possessed to be able to do so. Without a second thought, I bent down to give her a brief kiss on the cheek and a slight hug. At that moment, I was more concerned with hurting her frail and bruised body then hiding my cold skin. I knew I was capable of crushing her face by using the slightest bit of force. The greatest feet I conquered was being so close to her beating heart and not being tempted.

Edward stayed close, yet he suppressed his need to hover over me. He acted as if, and in a way I was, an untrained wild animal. I knew he was only looking out for Renee, so I didn't let it bother me to much.

Carlisle was administering her afternoon dose of morphine, which meant we only had a few more minutes before she fell asleep.

"Oh Bella, I'm so happy to see you. But you really shouldn't have cut your honeymoon short. It is time you start taking care of yourself, instead of your banged up mother." Renee's words sounded much like her normal self, but her undertone spoke volumes. She was grateful to us for coming to her rescue.

"Mom, I wanted to be here. Besides our honeymoon was over. Instead of flying back to Forks, we came here. And I know you need me and that alone was my sole purpose for coming. I just hate that I didn't find out sooner. Or I would have cut the honeymoon short." I quickly glanced Edward's direction and he smiled his million dollar smile and my heart exploded with lust. I had to remind myself that now was not the time for such thoughts. I scrambled to regain my train of thought and put my focus back on Renee.

"Darling, what ever on earth did I do to deserve such a precious child such as you." Renee simply beamed with pride. I knew that no matter what lies ahead for her, that I would always be by her side whenever she needed me. That is till she started to notice I no longer aged. "Did I mention how much more mature you look? Your beauty exudes from your pores. Like rays of sunshine peaking through a cloudy day. My dear, you are stunning."

She then continued her little speech in a soft whisper, assuming I alone could hear, "Making love tends to do that to a woman." Had I still had the ability to blush, at that very moment my entire face would have exploded in scarlet flames. I simply lowered my head and shushed her instead. She knew from my reaction that she had embarrassed me, but didn't question the lack of flush on my cheeks.

From behind me, I heard Edward chuckle. He was throughly entertained by Renee's comment. I even heard Carlisle let out a small laugh. I would defiantly have to make sure the next time we talked, that we were alone. Not like that would do much good with vampire ears in the house. But it would be more private for such a personal conversation.

"Mom, perhaps another time you can interrogate me about my sex life. But not in front of Edward and Carlisle please." She simply nodded, as a huge grin stretched across her face. She flinched with the pain and I reassured her the medication would soon relieve the pain. After a few more minutes, she began to nod off and that is when Edward and I made our exit. Carlisle stayed a few more minutes before he too left Renee to rest.

The next several weeks went like clockwork. Each morning, I prepared Renee a light breakfast. I managed to consume a small portion just to appease her, so she wouldn't grow suspicious. Following breakfast, Carlisle would usher Renee into the den, where he had a make shift rehab clinic complete with a treadmill and a massage table. After lunch, Renee would take a nap and recuperate after her strenuous morning strengthening exercises. Come dinner was the time I dreaded the most. As a human, I loved preparing meals and sitting down to a family dinner. But this had become a grueling routine that I began to dread. I had more or less become a bulimic, having to vomit after each meal to relieve myself of the vile human food I was forced to consume on a daily basis. But the end result, being with Renee and assisting her to a full recovery, was far more rewarding than the purgatory of eating.

I even endured the ridiculous birthday cake that Edward prepared at Renee's request. I can honestly say, aside from the cake, it was the best birthday I had celebrated in years. One being, I was no longer aging, allowing me to have eternal youth with the love of my existence. Also, it wasn't an extravagant, over the top celebration. It was a very small intimate affair. Of course Alice called me with well wishes and a happy birthday in her sing song voice, along with a promise to have an appropriate party once we returned to Forks, of which was to be expected in grand 'Alice' fashion.

As the weeks passed, Renee showed remarkable courage throughout her physical therapy. She was able to use the wheelchair and walker less and less. After six solid weeks of treatment, Renee was beyond capable of taking care of herself. But Carlisle insisted she needed at least two more weeks of physical therapy. Renee complained and tried relentlessly to inform Carlisle she was fine. As to be expected, just as they did with me while human, Edward and Carlisle disagreed and argued she needed the additional care. I scoffed at the idea but decided that I, not having any medical background, would steer clear of any unneeded arguments.

Fall had set in on Florida, the days were cooling down and the days grew shorter. Which allowed me to remove the horrid body suit Alice insisted I wear each day. I had become quite proud of my make up skills. Not once did Renee make any remarks about my pale complexion. I even managed to blow off my cold touch on the air conditioning. She bought that each and every time because her own hands were like ice. But with the cooler months setting in, even in Florida the air conditioning would have to be turned off sooner or later.

After eight weeks, we left our secluded hideaway and returned to my Renee's house. Upon entering through the doors, an eerie reminder that Phil was no longer with her brought Renee to her knees. During her weeks of recovery, we discussed plans for a memorial service and his death in great detail. She seemed to have accepted his death better away from the daily reminders of their life together.

After a few minutes, she regained composure and insisted she was fine. We all knew she was masking her pain, but would allow her the small amount of dignity. It was the most painful thing in the world to witness. We all knew that part of grieving the loss of a loved one was moving forward. Renee dealt with Phil's death far better than I expected, she was very strong willed and an inspiration.

Renee realized staying in Florida wasn't her best option and decided to return to her home in Phoenix. I had to agree that she would be able to move on with her life where friends were abundant. I worried about her naturally and without Phil in her life I worried more. But I had faith in her, that she would prevail. Only time would tell, and from the looks of how things were going so far, I knew she would do just fine.

Now was the time to return home, to Fork's and to the rest of the Cullen's. I was also anticipating continuing my relationship with Charlie, something that was once unfathomable. After all Renee had been through, I knew that the death of her only daughter would be devastating. And that was something I was not willing to put Renee through right now. And if I could have it my way, I never would. My success with Renee renewed my willpower and strength to be around humans. It also left me with the knowledge that becoming a vampire had in return given me all I wanted and more. The only thing left for me to do now was to live my eternal life to the fullest, surrounded by the ones I love.

**_The End_**

**That's a wrap. I was considering making a sequel to this story. But I want your input. This is your time to speak up and let your voice be heard. Should I continue with a sequel? **

**I also want to thank everyone for reading and sharing with me your thoughts about my writing skills. As stated on my profile, this story is my first attempt at writing any sort of story/fanfic. Your encouraging words were the driven force that helped me sit down and continue writing. So again Thank You! 3 Joei**


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